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Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Pulse on the Plus!

We admit it - we were lulled at first by the familiar sounds of "club salad from Bennigan's" but our ears perked-up when we heard Monz bellow an emphatic "PLUS" ten hot and spicy chicken wings. The club salad was up to the usual standard of excelence Monz demands (and expects), but the wings...not so much! Not hot, not spicy, send this order to Albert Camus at the next table - these wings merely exist.


Monday, September 29, 2003

We're All Shocking Pinks!

Why? Because we're wonderin' what the Monz had for lunch - he didn't tell us! Doo-wahhhh bump-bump!


Friday, September 26, 2003

Under the Wire!

As the deadline for going to press was fast approaching, we received this report which positively "cremes" it:

"Today's yummy lunch came from Cosi -- downtown by Daley Center. I dined on a "Buffalo Blue" sandweeeeech with a side of baby carrots. Boy Howdy!!!!"


Thursday, September 25, 2003

Don't Leap to Assumptions!

Garvey is the name of the company that supplies Monz' office, and today they supplied Monz with a lunch buffet. Monz had the polish sausage, steamed veggies, two slices of beef, boneless chicken breast and a salad with Thousand Island dressing. Upon hearing this litany we here at myl expressed some concern (i.e., we said "Oink!"). But it turns out the polish sausage and chicken breast were bite sized portions! We stood corrected. But at last report it wasn't sitting too good...


Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Hot Diggity Blog!

Sometimes bigger is better! Monz gives the nod to that mass purveyor of encased meats Portillos for two classic Chicago dogs (with all the fixins, more or less...). The result? "Word cannot express" as Monz made a noise of satisfaction that is best experienced at Harod's department store in London (from the one-pound seats).


Tuesday, September 23, 2003


I didn't realize how much I missed Cinnabon(tm) until they seemed to disappear. There was one in nearly every shopping mall I visited. I only bought them now and then, but oh were they good - warm, gooey, with that light (not candy) cinnamon taste. Yummmm!

I thought the whole chain had gone bankrupt in a healthy-eating brave new world, but then I found one on an Interstate 90 tollway oasis near Buffalo, NY. I was so excited! Much later I would discover that a couple still exist on the outskirts of the Chicagoland area.

So I was quite shocked to see Oraville Reddenbacker (sp?) has a Cinnabon (tm) microwave popcorn. To paraphrase a Breck shampoo ad, "of course I bought a box and I couldn't wait to get home to try it." I was skeptical - cinnamon roll popcorn - but it was great! The popcorn popped-up perfectly dusted with toasty cinnamon flavorings. Then you drizzle the Cinnabon(sp) iceing. Mixing was a little difficult, but the results were well worth it. Friends of the popcorn extraordinary, give it a try!

Oh, Monz had a couple of McGrills and I don't think even a free pedometer would have improved his mood.


Monday, September 22, 2003

Going to Pieces!

After the failed (but noble) whole-bird experiment, Monz returns to the Jewel's tried-and-true chicken pieces slathered in BBQ sauce, and was handsomely rewarded for doing so.


Friday, September 19, 2003

Wisdom of the Orient!

We were having trouble understanding Monz' lunch today. This much we knew: Wendy's double cheeseburger, with a small chili. But how was it? "Better than average...make it go away...can't be improved on...short of yummy..." Then we recalled the comments of Confucius after meeting the father of Taoism, Lao Tzu:

"I understand how birds can fly, how fishes can swim, and how four-footed beasts can run. Those that run can be snared, those that swim may be caught with hook and line, those that fly may be shot with arrows. But when it comes to the dragon, I am unable to conceive how he can soar into the sky riding upon the wind and clouds. Today I have seen Lao Tzu and can only liken him to a dragon."

Flame on, Mark Monz, Flame on!


Thursday, September 18, 2003

Half a Post Is Better!
Than no post at all! We know that Monz was going to dine on chicken egg foo young from the China House. Alas, we did not receive the result before deadline. Instead, we dedicate Monz' lunch to the brave souls who edit the Canadian Oxford Dictionary. We know Monz would want it that way.


Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Mix and Match!

Today it was a familiar item and a familiar place, but an unfamiliar order as it has never been tried from this place: chicken ceasar salad from Bennigans. And if you think this choice lacks excitement, you haven't heard Monz' verdict: "damn yummy!"


Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Just Funin' You Son!

I think that I will never see
A lunch as lovely as there be
Whose spices once enticed Monz' tummy
And which he could pronounce as yummy

I think that I will never find
A taste as noble and sublime
As the lunch upon which the Monz has dined
And reported at the annointed time

If I could rub the lamp of genie
I'd find out what the Monz was eating
But I don't know, I haven't heard
So I'll just give him the...


Monday, September 15, 2003

What's Up Chicken Butt?!

Good move, you're at McDonalds. Now the hard part: Cobb Salad or Chicken McGrill...Cobb Salad or Chicken McGrill...what should you chose? Here comes Monz to save the day with a paradigm shift: why choose?! Have 'em both! Of course, you might want to get rid of some of those fixins on the McGrill...


Friday, September 12, 2003

This Just In!

AP -- Sept 12, 2003

Scholars working in Strafod-upon-Avon, England have stumbled upon what may be a previously unknown and unpublished fragment of manuscript by this town's favorite son, William Shakespeare. The fragment is handwritten and is of such importance that it may put an end to speculation by fringe scholars that Shakespeare did not write the plays attributed to him. The fragment was found in in a stone receptacle buried under property once listed as owned by Shakespeare, most likely in what was once his outhouse, or "privy."

The scholars who doscovered it have worked hard to transcribe the faded words. Here follows the most current transcription of this fragment:

"Scene -- castle fortifications. Night.

Forsooth! Who goes there!

'Tis I! Chops,
Come to relieve my Lord on this moonless night.

Ach! My innards do growl so! I believe I have not
Partaken of yumminess in a goat's age! Prithee
Do you have yummy nimbus with 'ee?

Unlikely, good sir. My own soul is in torment
Like yours. I just left Squire Monz at his supper.

'Zounds! What doth that rapscallion feast on while
We who guard his livery feast on clouds? Even his
Several hounds et better than we!

As I left,
Squire Monz had just placed an order for
Chicken Egg-Foo Yung from Chinese House.
He muttered something to our kinsmen Horatio
To the effect he expected it to be both yummy and
To comport with his diet. May a behemoth
Pierce his eye!

But did not confirm it's yumminess to thou?

Nay. He had just sat down as I was leaving.
I know not its actual yumminess yet."

At this point the manuscript ends. It appears to be ripped and scholars interviewed for this report expect more may be found as they continue to excavate this site. The leading scholar, Prof. Miles Underwear, believes the fragment to be equal in importance to Hamlet, MacBeth, and King Lear combined. He said it appears to be the beginning of what would likely be Shakespeare's greatest tragedy.

Wait! There's More!
AP - Sept 12 2003:

Scholars excavating a portion of land once held by William Shakespeare have unearthed a manuscript fragment which appears to be written by the bard. AP reported earlier that the find could revolutionize Shakespeare studies. The most recent reports from Stratford report the finding of another portion of manuscript which appears to be from the same work. Scholars have transcribed the fragment and we reprint it below:

"Scene - castle fortifications. Night.


Harrumph! Hoy! What be that noise?

Methinks it is Hargus!

Good e'en, brethren.
I have news of Squire Monz!

Damn his flatulent

Argh! Well, out with it, come!

Squire has dined on yummy Foo Yung. He expressed
Happiness at its deliciousness. However, Squire has a
Prodigious apetite and he did but cut off the head of one of his
Men for advising him to only order the two piece rather than the four.


I hope it does not make him yack for
Then we shall all surely pay!"

Scholars hold no hopes at this point of finding any more manuscripts.


Thursday, September 11, 2003

He's Loving It!

Well, at least it did in a pinch - 2 Chicken McGrills from McDonald's, scarfed down while on the move doing errands.


Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Haiku You!

Bennigan's - Once More.
Club Salad which Monz likes but
appeal eludes


Tuesday, September 09, 2003

He Called That a Bargain!

But not the best he's ever had. As you may recall, the last time we were at the corner of Jewel and Ribs, it was a Peapod-delivered delight from Carsons. So why not give the house brand a try and save some bucks at the same time? Why not indeed, but Monz' adventerous spirit was not rewarded. Thin on meat, thick on additives, dem bones weren't yummy.


Monday, September 08, 2003


Monz' lunch is in a rut
Gyros plate from Jeff's
Is sitting in his gut


Friday, September 05, 2003

Always There, Always Ready!

The following conversation is real. It took place between an OffStar (tm) customer service representative and a subscriber on September 5, 2003.

OS: "Offstar, may I help you?"
C: "Yes, I hate my lunch life. What can I have that's new and yummy?"
OS: "How about a gyros from Jeff's?"
C: "Really? Is it good?"
OS: "Monz enjoyed it."
C: "Great!"
OS: "Hold on one moment while I order it for you."

To get Offstar(tm), well, you can't get Offstar (tm) because we lied - that conversation never happened. But you can get lunch ideas by logging into monzyummylunch!

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Return With Us Now to Those Glory Days of Yesteryear!

A club salad from Bennigan's today. But with a general dull spirit and without the thrill of innovation, no judgement can be passed. So we'll leave you with a joke. Put an index finger in the air. Start twirling it around. "Knock-knock," we say. "Who's there?" you reply. "Yah," we continue. (You know the rest...)


Wednesday, September 03, 2003

'Cause It Seems I'm on a Losing Streak!

No satisfaction today as it was a whole BBQ chicken, lazily rotissed by the Jewel. Pulling this birdbeast apart and sloshing it around the pool of sauce is not what lunch is supposed to be about!
Such a Nice Man! Such a Nice Man!

And we're not just talkin' about the Monz! But first our regrets for being late with Tuesday's lunch - the Blogger (tm) site was having problems all day.

Monz and company were treated to lunch yesterday by a very nice man with whom they can do business ("I like Mr. Gorbachev. We can do business." - Margaret Thatcher). When we see niceness like this at m.y.l., we root even harder for the lunch to be yummy. But it was not to be - Pizza from Father and Sons (3 varieties no less) - maybe they should have consulted the mother and daughters because cardboard isn't an ingredient in pizza.


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