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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Our Chinny-Chin Chins!

What did Monz' lunch today (American Burger from Bennigan's) have in common with all these places? Nothing else matters!

Monday, November 29, 2004

Full-Feathered Freak Out!

Suffering Thanksgiving turkey overload, yesterday Monz sent himself to Malnatti's on a quest for some "gooey thick za." Deep dish cheese, washed down with sangria. And leftovers for today's lunch, saving him and his fans from you know what!

Here's another example of how Monz can improve your life. Take the latest fad in exercise. Monz would say if you have a problem, just wait for a full moon and then give it a swift kick in the ass!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Showing the kind of bravery that Dan Rather in September of 1986 could only dream about, Monz greets the rapidly approaching gastriointestinal festivities with a man-sized chicken burrito lunch from That Burito Joint. While this may shock and amaze recent Monz followers, it comes to no surprise to the editors. We remember an internationalist convention dinner with the Monz where he surprised all at the table with his humunga-chimichonga eating skills (as the rest of us cowered with our taco plate orders...)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Big Bucks, No Whammies, Courtesy of Monzyummylunch!

Announcing the first annual Monzyummylunch "Yummify the Monz' Lunch" contest!!! To play, submit via the e-mail link on the blog ("comments") a suggestion for a yummy Monz lunch. Entries will be judged on ease of preparation and/or ordering/retrieving, uniqueness, and of course yumminess! Each entry gets a chance to win $10,000.00!!! (shout out to Andy for the idea). The winner gets a bonus chance plus a gift certificate to a resturant that Monz has eaten at!!! Here are the lahyaheese rules: one entry per e-mail address (so make it count and please don't cheat by sending different entries with different e-mail addresses!), all decisions of the editors final, void where prohibited, limit of 25 entries total, all entries must be received by December 31, 2004, no Wisconsin residents because they have barred out of state residents from entering their state's short story contest, no Alabama residents because the editors think that outside of Birmingham and the free state of Winston county and a few other places Alabama ain't no sweet home but rather it sucks, contestants will be assigned heads or tails by editors depending on their mood then a coin will be tossed a lucky thirteen times and if the coin turns up the same pre-picked side each time the contestant will receive $10,000 (U.S.) in equal installments over a period of thirty years, however the award will not be paid if the submitted lunch makes Monz sick except in the case where lunch is purchased from a commercial food establishment or preparer in which case the entrant is off the hook unless he or she is in cahoots with said establishment or preparer, employees/friends/family/other relations to either the eidtors or the Monz or his place of work are allowed and encouraged to enter this contest.

Monz didn't tell us what he had for lunch today, so you can see that he needs those suggestions quick!

Monday, November 22, 2004

Courtney Detox Lunch!

IMPORTANT NEWS: We know that during the week of a major holiday lots of things can slow down (work, tv, etc.). But be sure to check back here later this week for a MAJOR MYL CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Jewel Chickenhamcheddar.

Today it is overcast and drab in Chicago (for Monz' long distance followers), so the editors have decided to spicccce things up with this story. Over the weekend we heard that trouble-magnet rocker Courtney Love recently went through a detoxification program using a trendy new detoxification liquid diet that is also good for rapid weight loss. We don't recommend this concoction, but we pass it along for those who are curious.

Freshly boiled water for teacup or mug
1 tablespoon real maple syrup
Freshly-squeezed juice of half a lemon
Cayenne pepper to taste

Stir ingredients together in your mug or cup. Start slow with the cayenne pepper because a little goes a long way. Courtney says she did this for 21 days. Yum.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Age-Old Dillema!

That is to say, quantity vs. quality. A while back the editors came across an article purporting to name the ten best pop songs about food. Now, one expects differences of opinion as to such things. Such is the spicccccce of life. But the quality of the selections and the writing were just so poor that the editors hesitated to link to it. No "Cheeseburger in Paradise" (actually we suspect the Monz doesn't care for that one either, but we think it has charms beyond the novelty). No "Food, Glorious Food." And an outright lie: Doctor Dre's "Forgot About Dre" is listed because of a line about groceries, with the pathetic explanation that rappers don't care about food. yeah, right!. Did we mention that the author of this list is British? But what do we know -- here it is.

But it's not an age-old dillema where to go for a yummy lunch, that is if you know the Monz! The China Chef for hularice and kungbaobird. Now there's some spicccccce!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Bruja at Baja!

Catching up: Tuesday Monz visited Franksville and had an olive dog and kraut dog (not bad, but he liked the condiments about as much as he likes Condi Rice, which isn't much...). This reminds us that Jewel is now carrying Hebrew National hot dogs, the winner of a taste-off contest and a staff recommendation here at myl (right up there with Vienna Beef, which was not part of the taste-off). Yesterday Monz went to Wendy's for an ultimate chicken grill, which wasn't that good but didn't make him want to go out and torture Mr. Wendy either. Today Monz was going to Jeff's for a turkey bacon club, a reliable treat. And Saturday (yes, we know we're backed-up!) the editors went to the local Baja Fresh, curious as to what they would find. Verdict: a schizy place -- doesn't know if it wants to be fast food Mexican or Chili's. We liked the free tortilla chips and guacamole and thought the fish taco was excellente! We thought the chicken and beef tacos were pretty good, but-for the way-too-much and way-too-strong onyuns. And the combination of the female corporate represetative walking around the not-quite-nice-enough-for-a-real-resturant tables asking survey questions with the odd choice of goth-tinged alternative rock music made us feel like we weren't in Tijuanana anymore. (Oh yeah, and they have beer!)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Rest in Peace

Today we honor the memory of Klondike, a wonderful Pomeranian with a friendly, loyal and outgoing soul, and friend of Monzyummylunch, who passed away this morning at the age of 12. Klondike's favorite meal was Ceaser (tm) dog food mixed with grilled hamburger meat, with a vanilla wafer for desert. For thanksgiving he enjoyed boiled turkey liver. He will be missed.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Young at Heart!

Jewel yes, but Orchard Salad from Jewel: lettuce, nuts, cranberries, apples. Bleu Cheese dressing. "Kinda yummy, but the lettuce was a little limp and old. I need firm young lettuce...."

It's not often that lunch (of any sort) makes the cover of the Sunday New York Times. But such was the case yesterday when the Times reported an interesting phenomena: a staggeringly large increase among college students for eating dry cereal for lunch and dinner. Various theories were offered up as explanatoion (price, ease of cooking, psychological comfort). This was somewhat off-putting to the editors. Not the idea of having breakfast for lunch or dinner, but having cereal (indeed, there's few feasts the political editor enjoys more than ordering up all the breakfast items on this menu). But to no surprise, Monz is a step ahead of the next generation! "Absolutely....I always try and eat it with milk. Breakfast for dinner is a rare treat I try not to overdo."

And how does Monz' pallete preferences match up with the campus cullinaries?

Monz' faves (no order): Post Blueberry Morning; Jewel Granola with raisins; Kellogs Raisin brand. Honorable mention goes to Grape nuts, Special K and Cheerios.

College raves: Cap'n Crunch leads the pack, followed by Cocoa Puffs, Fruity Pebbles, and Trix.

And of course, it was only a matter of time...http://www.cereality.com/intro.html

Friday, November 12, 2004

And a Man in the Back Said...

Jorma and Jack Attack! And that's the best we can do because Monz didn't tell us about lunch today! (Though he did warn us he would be mucho en transito...)

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Mouse Mind****!

Monz chooses (hint hint) to go on a healthy flavor adventure to the Orient for chicken fit for a princess. Alas it turned out to be faux, false, and forgettable, if not horrible. Then, like Chairman Mao (adding a soul and subtracting the cultural revolution), Amy came to the rescue with some leftover 'za from Grandstand in Franklin Park.

We hope it was good. The editors are too shocked by the cross-species psych ops contained in U.S. Patent Application 20020035801. There really is no place like home anymore!

>>A method for capturing mice with a baited cage incorporating a trigger mechanism whereby the mice are confined in the cage, characterized in that the trigger mechanism is kept inoperative for some time so as to allow a mouse to go on eating the bait, which is supplemented if it is short, eventually the mouse coming to feel as if the cage is its own home and forgets that it is a trap. The happy mouse allures its relatives and friends to the baited cages. It is at this stage when the trigger mechanism is set off to confine them in the cages. <<

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Quiero Ser Un Cowboy!

Back to Humboldt Pie for another beef sandich on marble rye. Even if we could say, we might not say, we're not saying, we're just saying.

Now if the Monz lived in South America, we know he'd live in that most European of Southern/Western Hemisphere nations, Argentina. Monz the Goucho! Because of that and because the company isn't too far away from 2731 W. Fullerton, yesterday the editors checked out the Nandu Argentinian resturant. What's this? Combination platter? Char-broiled short ribs, Argentine sausage and...beef sweetbreads. What's a beef sweetbread? Ah, it's "Mollejas: An acquired taste. Our char-broiled beef sweatbreads, so popular as an appetizer, we had to make it an entree!" Hmm, well, the editors are all about the exotic meats, so we ordered it up (with our choice of side: mashed potatoes, and cerveza authentico. All was quite tasty, and it wasn't until the next day that we discovered what sweetbreads really are!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

But We Like Their Vanilla!

Like a living M.C. Escher drawing, you could see the chaos engulfing you in ever-enlarging circles. The phones have been hacked and hijacked, now carrying tagalonian gossip to places that used to be American colonies. The computers are going haywire. Whinny secretaries are complaining about imaginary printer squeaks. Your favorite sports teams suck. Your old favorite musicians are old and no longer producing anything listenable. Nobody likes your new favorite musicians, leaving you in a strange metaphysical state, like ABC's Lost if the Iraqi and the dog were the only characters on the island. This is a true story and only matched in tragedy by Monz' lunch prospect of a McCormick-not-Manwich (tm) sloppy joe. But unlike the rest of the world, which simply has a nervous breakdown at such prospects, Monz makes it edible, palatable even!

Monday, November 08, 2004

Lawyers Good, Attorneys Bad!!

Jewel Chickenhamcheddar. Yes, we had hoped for something else too. Monz blames us: "Despite my Herculean efforts, all you do is whine and complain, so I'm back to eating what I want." Monz later told us that we had prevented him from eating something real, leaving the Monday usual. We are in deep introspection.

Now any of you who have even briefly perused this blog knows just how uttlerly kickass the Monz is. You also know that neither we, or he, flogs you with the fact that one of the Monz many skills is that as a fully licensed and practicing lah-yah. Damn right there's nothing wrong with that. Lah-yah's are go! It's "attorneys" that suck. And to prove it, take a look at one self-described attorney's blog, which we've painfully followed for no other reason that the name is cute. But we'd rather peel an onion than delve into how many layers of wrongandbadness there are this entry alone:

>>Music Recommendation: Maroon 5
My sister-in-law is in town visiting along with her sister, Michelle. We've had fun listening to music at my official new neighborhood bar (Dos Jefes), and in the course of one of our conversations Michelle told me about a band I'd never heard of: Maroon 5. She said I had to listen to She Will Be Loved [iTunes Link omitted - mercy editor] and she was right. Great song! The next day another friend of mine emailed me to tell me that her new favorite song is Sunday Morning, also by Maroon 5. I can't believe I hadn't heard of this band before. Oh well, that's what friends are for.<<

Friday, November 05, 2004

How (sniff!) Do You Want (sniff!) Your T-Bone (sniff!)?!

After 40 proud years of serving cheap-ass steaks and chops,, the original Ronny's has closed its doors. We don't think it's a coincidence that on the same day we learned this (yesterday -- sorry, Blogger was having problems all day) Monz' lunch was an Ethnic Gourmet Veggie Lo Mein with Tofu and a Michellina Lean Gourmet Italian Style Garden Bistro. (Yes, there's still a fake neo-Ronny's at the State of Illinois building, but it just ain't the same).

As-if sensing the need for a beef comeback, Monz' better half gets him a beef hoagie from Dominique-a-neek-a-neek's.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

24-Hour Party People...Suck!

Monz comes up with his own "election bracket" -- blackened chicken salad, autumn couscous (gourds, cranberries - could it not be a large portion?) and pack of edename from Whole Foods. If reading that doesn't make you think to yourself "mmm...yummy" you must be at the dentist because your mouth is full novacaine!

So what was the fate of our intrepid political editor, who went up to Milwaukee to be an official party poll watcher? Suffice to say it was a wildly mixed bag. The regular-folks who volunteered for the other party were, by and large, wonderful. They either quietly checked-off voters on their lists or provided modest assistance to the election officials and voters standing in line. Nothing obstructionist in the least -- especially the one dude who did nothing all day but sit at an unused table and watch the grade school gymnasium where voting was conducted. (We mean that literally -- he sat there for 12 hours and if he moved twice our editor didn't see it). The hardcore activists who stopped by were an entirely different matter. First their was the county board of elections member, a bushy-mustached bear of a man who went around flashing his ID and a badge, accompanied by three fourtysomething fratboy types who stood around complaining about their governor (from the other party of course). Our editor had to stick his nose into this guy's attempt to intimidate the Chief Elections Officer, a seventy-something African American woman who gimped around on a cane and vowed never to do another election again.
But Bushystachedbushboy was nothing compared to the born again Missouri-to-Milwaukean who showed up at closing time to "gird the troops" and challenge absentee ballots. After this dude launched into an attack on the far side of the gym at the Chief Elections Officer, the editor moseyed over, catching only his ending "everyone makes mistakes" and "oh yeah, I will report it." When the editor asked what the mistake was that had made him upset he replied with a tight smile "I don't have to tell you anything, so I won't." Editor turned to a nearby Election Protection guy (these folks were associated with the state board of elections) and asked if he caught any of this, because B.A.M-to-M. was too ashamed to say. At this B.A.M.-to-M. walked up to our editor and said "Listen, friend, I've never been ashamed of anything in my life. Why don't you look in a mirror and you'll get your answer. Now I have to make a phone call, get out of my face." Which was curious as it was B.A.M.-to-M. guy who had returned to the editor. We suspect B.A.M.-to-M. had sized up our editor and made certain assumptions about him, for later at the absentee ballot challenge session he would say "thank you" to the editor (after the editor managed to end a 15 minute dispute between the district attorney and the other party over an overvote ballot: our editor got through to the election board and learned the ballot should be tossed out -- this "against interest" admission apparently made an impression.)

Oh, the lines ranged from 45 min. to 1:15 the entire day. Our 6-8 vs. 1-1.5 editor was forced to be on his feet all day. But enough ephemera! Here's the dirt: the party provide the editor with a soggy turkey sandwich, a bag of lays, a can of pop and a decent (but small) chocolate chip cookie. Downtown Milwaukee and the just-to-the-west lincoln-parkish district is really pretty at night. It is impossible to get a butterburger(tm) after 11 (our editor settled for a Burger King in Racine, which at least was piping hot). Now, the party suggested that our editor could give out Halloween candy to the people in line to help make the wait more bearable. But the school where polling was taking place was conducting a bake sale. The editor decided he would not risk costing the bake sale funds by handing out food. Good thing: turns out there is a Wisconsin state law forbidding election folks from competing with bake sales on election day.

Favorite moment: "Sir, we have a legal question here -- go ahead [voter]. Voter: "Can I vote for different parties?" "What?" "Can I vote for different parties?" "You mean vote for one party for one office and a different party for another?" "Yeah, that's what I want to do." "Of course, absolutely." "Thanks!"

UPDATE: Monz, in a move worthy of Karl Rove or James Carville, substitutes curry tofu salad for the blackened chicken! Lunch, meat[sic] your fate!

Monday, November 01, 2004

We're Bigots and Proud of It!

First things first -- chickenhamcheddar from Jewel but we have information that this, the most predicatble of Monz' lunches, is about to change. Thus we have refrained from dubbing it "The Monday Usual."

This Sunday the editors experienced a number of shocks. As a group we visited, for the first and last time (as it has closed its doors), the Terra Museum. We enjoyed their one great painting (Samuel Morse's attempt to bring the Lourve to the masses) and were touched by another ("Snow Birds"). Then we had our own yummy lunch at the Walnut Room (and also learned that the Walnut Room has a Sunday brunch featuring all their best-known dishes sans apple pie with light cinnamon ice cream but all you can eat!).

But this pales to our shock at discovering that we're all a bunch of bigots! Apparently music critics have a name for this which they've been hotly debating for years: rockists! From Kalefa Sanneh, the New York Times music critic who took Ann Powers' #3 spot and whose reviews we quite enjoy:

>>A rockist isn't just someone who loves rock 'n' roll, who goes on and on about Bruce Springsteen, who champions ragged-voiced singer-songwriters no one has ever heard of. A rockist is someone who reduces rock 'n' roll to a caricature, then uses that caricature as a weapon. Rockism means idolizing the authentic old legend (or underground hero) while mocking the latest pop star; lionizing punk while barely tolerating disco; loving the live show and hating the music video; extolling the growling performer while hating the lip-syncher....Rockism isn't unrelated to older, more familiar prejudices - that's part of why it's so powerful, and so worth arguing about. The pop star, the disco diva, the lip-syncher, the "awesomely bad" hit maker: could it really be a coincidence that rockist complaints often pit straight white men against the rest of the world? Like the anti-disco backlash of 25 years ago, the current rockist consensus seems to reflect not just an idea of how music should be made but also an idea about who should be making it. <<

It would take us days to Fisk this piece, but we're too tired and need to rest for election day tomorrow. Which reminds us to remind you to vote AND eat lunch. In the spirit of our democracy, we'll be on hiatus until November 3rd -- see yew'll then!

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