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Friday, March 30, 2007

He Shall Be Leone!

Today we ask master and trendy local chef Leone Toia to review Monz' lunch. Leone recently revealed the secret of his food mastery. ""The main components of every balanced dish should be sweet, salt to cut the richness, and then a little acid."

Monz has a...Monte CRISTO panini from CSC. It's good. We agree! We used to love the delectable french toast, the sweet dusting of powdered sugar, the meaty ham, the gooey cheese, mmmmmm! Hey, sweet sugar, salty ham, probably some acid somewhere in there (and if not, at least some acid reflux!). A materpiece of yumminess!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Sweet Mercy!

The EIC, still searching for a good way to present Monz' lunch, arrived home at 8pm, only to turn around and head out to the McDonald's at Western and Addison (across from Lane Tech high school) to complete one of those feels-so-shady-but-when-luck-is-a-lady-the-savings-are-ravey Craigslist deals. We can't disclose the nature of the deal as it's meant for a gift to one of our frequent readers. Then on the way home the road was blocked off by the Chicago police. Fire? Water line break? No, somebody must be filming some movie judging by the rows of trailers parked nearby.

Thus braindead, the EIC is left to merely relay Monz' report, knowing how this disappoints him. Especially when he provided the editors with not one but two great lunch adjectnouns [sic and tm MYL]

"Lunchariffic! Amy's brown rice and veggie bowl (Made with organic tofu, brown rice & vegetables) and leftover indian food wife made on Sunday night -- some pea and sauce thing with added chicken chunks. Lunchtastic!"

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Let's Spend Monz' Money!

Just funnin' the Monz! But Monz' lunch ("Amy's frozen brown rice with black-eyed peas & vegies bowl and two buddhist bao"(?) has us in a instant carma kind of mood. Stories like this have us thinking of ways someone like Monz could invest his money. So let's help the Monz, or some other munificient soul. Check out the Kiva site (for example) and tell us what looks good to you!

Who Deserves Monz' Bucks?
Vita's Clothes Botique in the Ukraine!
Tulipe's Samoan General Store!
Ausisis's Taro in Coconut Cream (and more) Delicacies!
Taua's Samoan Perfumes (douse!)
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The First Monzy!
Trite feel-good movies like that "The Last Mimzwatchamacallit?" come and go, but it is rare that MYL grants recognition to someone who clearly embodies the spirit of the Monz. Take, for example, Wu Ping, who has refused to go with her neighborly hurd and sell her home to developers. Now, Wu is nicknamed "The Nail," because you can't get it out (much like a term the late Owen Hart was frequently serenaded with, but that's another story).
This determination reminds us of Monz, who did not give up after burning two chicken weiners and, by this point pressed for time, had to go to the CSC for their delicious roast beast plate, with corn and mashed potatoes. Woo! So Wu Ping, we award you the first Monzy and if you ever come to America Monz' old "the usual" (small kung pao chicken and Hawaian fried rice from the China Chef on Belmont Avenue) is on us!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Goes Unpunished!

Because Monz is munificent, we're only suspending the Food Editor (FE) for two weeks (without pay) for Friday's faux paux.

In that same spirit of munifience, this evening the editors attempted to attend the last of four "commnity meetings" scheduled by the Chicago Transit Authority to alert them to a growing problem on CTA. We call it "benzene in the back." You see, when the metal plates that cover the bus moter come loose, exhaust enters into the back cabin of the bus. This contains dangerous levels of benzene. Yet as the CTA's fleet becomes older and the system continues to fall apart, as documented by today's NY Times, the problem only gets worse. Well, the CTA folks would have none of it. "That's not on the agenda!" The editors beseached their bretheren and sisteren of the media, approaching reporters from 3 of Chicago's 5 local tv news broadcasts. "Pat pat, flop flop, drive yourself away!" they said.

Oh well. At least Monz had a very special lunch of 4 steak tacos from Huitzuquena, and some guac & chips.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Custard's Last Stand!

The new MYL offices provide the editors with a curious pearch in which they unwittingly hear a lot of arguments from the neighboring office. Today it was about Frozen Custard, with one of bevy of beauty attorneys insisting that the best frozen custard to be had in all of Chicago (in fact, purportedly the only one) is to be found at Scooter's. This in turn caused a debate amongst the editors. Should the Food Editor (FE) travel to Scooter's to decide for himself? Or is frozen custard a foodstuff best kept out of the city limits and enjoyed in Wisconsin, it's happy home? Indeed, the FE was always partial to Kopps over Culvers anyway.

No debating that Monz' lunch was yummy: whole ham & turkey (hold the onions) from Toe-nay's.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Satanic Fakes!!!

Who are these guys and when did they show up??

Monz here, filling in for the editors who have abandoned blogging for the day. I spent the day driving around picking up documents. For lunch I stopped by Tony's for a whole ham & turkey, no onions. It was yummy. Then I ate some peanut butter on an apple. That was too much food, and I spent the rest of the afternoon lolling on the bed, reading the documents I picked up, and feeling sick.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


The EIC has been using the same cell phone that he got in 2000. It served his needs perfectly: mostly for checking his email and the ocassional emergency phone use. Well, a few weeks ago his phone email suddenly stopped working - "temporarily unavailable, try again soon!" He tried and tried and tried again for a week until contacting technical service numerous times. Finally the truth was found: Sprint had discontinued web service to the old phones! Sensing his rising anger, the customer service rep offered to replace the phone and throw in free internet/"vision" plan to boot. Sounded good, until the phone that arrived would not give him his email! Back to technical service for literally hours, only to be told that this phone model had "issues" with his email service, so they sent him another. It seems to work, but the EIC is so sad to end his relationship with the old phone (pictured above -- a Qualcomm, with a leather case he bought at Radio Shack (tm)). At times like these he hears the words of the Monz. Just like his lunch report (two slices of pizza from CSC: one sausage and one everything), it's going...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


By sheer coincidence the media editor (ME) was sitting at the intake desk as Monz' report came in: tasty steak tacos (four of them) from La Huitzuquena. "They were to tacos what this place's burritos are to burritos -- the kings! Yum!" Three great Mexican sauces, yet Monz still wanted more! And the ME wanted more when he read that at a recent Viacom corporate conference, exec Jim Tricarico took the stage to perform a rendition of the singer’s “SexyBack.”

“Nicktropolis, Nick at Nite, cool Web sites...Come to the Nick and get your sales on.”

Makes us remember the good old days...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Why Ask Why?!

Why Is This Woman So Happy?!
She Was Just Admitted to the Grad School of Her Dreams!
She Just Stuck Some Poor Sap With a Load of Debt!
Her Brother Just Got Engaged and She's Very Happy for Him
She Ordered the Monz/Mrs. Monz' Lunch at Bacci (Spaghetti Bolognese) and It Was Garlicky and Yummy!
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Saturday, March 17, 2007

When the Morning Cries and You Don't Know Why!

Late yesterday the Night Editor (NE) received by e-mail news of a tragedy even the Bee Gees couldn't contemplate:

"no lunch for monz."

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Things Are Not What They Appear to Be!

The Food Editor (FE) was planning to go to a downtown Chicago Irish pub in search of yummy lunch (and dinner) places for Monz to dine. After seeking advice, he was instructed to go to Fado at Grand and Clark. Friends, Fado is Fake! It's a chain, an Irish themed Elephant and Castle! They buy that Irish paraphenalia by the dozens! The Fe muttered "fi fo fum!" and left in a huff. Later, a friend who used to work delivering booze was telling the FE stories about all the hidden strip clubs around the city. "They weren't hidden up north where I'm from" said the FE. "They were in full view (no pun intended), like the Cheetah Club on Milwaukee Avenue." "Cheaters Club...nice!" said the friend. Doh! Cheetah = Cheaters! Fe just got it, maybe a decade after the place was torn down to boot!

Monz' lunch was a similar mix of the known and the unknown: pizza from an unknown joint at a family law bar association meeting at the courthouse. Decent, we dare say.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


That's "still ill" (we so clever!) -- both in terms of Monz' physical health and that Monz' lunch choice is still ill (we so 80's! or is that 90s?): chicken pot pie from Whole Foods and a diet coke suitable for bedtime.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Lunch Hangover!

The Music Editor (ME) was watching American Idol while on the phone with a friend who was also watching American Idol. It was Diana Ross night and unfortunately the friend was not familiar with Ross' solo hits, so she didn't notice when one contestant flubbed the words to "Love Hangover," nor could she relate to the judges' disappointment that the contestant cut-out the fast, uptempo second half of the song. Nor could she understand how the editor, who was in the begining stages of puberty at the time the song was a smash hit and who only vaguely understood what the clipped moans and grunting sounds Ross tacked on the end of the song's lines were evoking.

The ME has also tried to convince Monz that the Afghan Whigs cover of "Come See About Me" is the greatest cover version of a song ever done. It takes the desperate, pleading lyrics and removes the from the bouncy, uptempo music. The melody is the same, but now it's played in a slow, grungy (yes) dirge, with lead singer Greg Dulli softly, sadly singing until immediately after the instrumental break, when he screams "Sometimes Up!" before whining "Sometimes Down" and returning to normal -- the realization of an instant, momentary panic attack.

If you haven't heard it, you don't know. Just like Monz lunch: a possibly yummy chicken pot pie from Boston Market, but with his stuffed-up nose he can't taste anything!

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Real Hero Sandwich!

A heroic, ailing Monz spends an entire day taking depositoins. Or defending. Whichever, it sucked, but he still made time for lunch! Turkey sandwich from Caribou Coffee (we're not sure if this chain is worthy).

The editors had a lousy day too, but not ailing. One of those days when they're just dying to take a cab home. Instead, they stuck it out on the train-bus-transfer-commute and used the money for grocery shopping. Hence, tonight's poll:

What Item Did the EIC ***NOT*** Buy at the Grocery?
Apple Smoked Cheese
Pecan Coffee Cake
Clam Chowder
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Saturday, March 10, 2007

Big goings on as the myl auxilary offices are evacuated for two hours for a suspected gas leak! Working through the legions of voicemail messages of concern took us late into the night, then we found it: Monz! (Sounding a bit like Vlad, must have been a bad cell), dined at the swanky new Bistro 17 in downtown Waukegan. He didn't tell us what it was, only that it was yummy! We're betting it was Menu Item 3,

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Clark McDerment!

It's time for our monthly or so report from MYL's no-nonsense p-prize nominated prize reporter Clark McDerment. Over to you, Clark!

Today while battling a severe illness, Monz dug up some background information for a collegue, then suffered through a poor substitute for lunch: stale leftover bagel someone left in the office. Unsubstantiated reports say that Monz was overheard commenting about the losing tribe on Survivor: "it's not that you have no food, you're just that bad.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Editors Search for Justice Every Single Day!

So the legal editor (LE) gets on the crowded rush hour ride home. After allowing the members of the fairer sex to board first, he's passing down the aisle and there looks to be only one open seat left, and there's a gym bag on it. He motions that he'd like to sit down and the man in the seat, a Tony Soprano (with more of a belly and less good looking) type talking on his cell phone, removes the bag. Normally there'd be no more to this story, particulary because if anybody is going to sit next to you on the bus (save the girl/guy of your dreams), you want it to be the LE: he's thin, doesn't make noise, and showers daily. Tony didn't appreciate these qualities. While talking on his phone, he noticed the LE take out some legal papers from a pro bono divorce he was working on (not the pleadings but a "law by numbers" how to guide). Tony makes the reasonable-at-first-blush-but-kinda-stupid-when-you-think-about-it assumption that the LE is a divorce attorney. First he tells his friend on the phone how great it would be if there were no lawyers. Then he goes on to insist, really that he has a plan to take them out. 100, 200 at a time. That'd be great. Etc. etc. Five to ten minutes later he's still going at it, citing Jack on 24 to his friend, as killing wouldn't be good enough, there should be a little torture first, and he's picking up some good clues. Beforfe the bus begins to run express, he leaves (no physical scrunching or pushes involved). Life is fragile, our friends.

There's also no justice that Monz may miss his favorite extant band when they make a rare Chicago appearance May 19th. Oh no! We're trying to convince him to make other plans for a nearby gig on another date. Until then, Monz takes a bbq break for a Market Day (school fundraiser) mac 'n cheese, and another, and...an apple!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Monz Goes In Search of Justice Every Single Day!

Monz, back from rocking allmighty shivertimbers at the Who show last night, munches on a bbq chicken sandwich (chicken prepared last week), plus apple. Which reminds us, the Music Editor (ME) recently came across a curious cd: Dodgy -- the Collection. Dodgy was one of the Monz most favorite britpop bands. Ours too! We own all the original cd's plus a 2 disk a-side/b-side collection. This single disk has a bunch of tracks we don't own like "Summer's Day in Mid Jnauary" or "Summer Fayre" or "Sylvia's Bedroom." But Monz might own these songs because, in true "real fan" fashion, Monz bought the cd-singles as well. Maybe these tracks are from those, or maybe these are some post-Nigel (the leader) tracks or maybe they're rare, unreleased treats!.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Let My Lunch Open the Door!
Monz makes a breakthrough in world diplomacy even he couldn't imagine (click on the above photo from the NY Times). Alas, when the ambassador reached the CSC and ordered a turkey club, it came with way too much mayo.

Oh well, maybe next time. Enjoy The Who show Mark Monz!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Get Up, Stand Up, Stand Up for Your Rights!

The following statements story is true. No names have been changed.

MYL diner CC had to go to Northwestern Hospital to get checked out. The editors, concerned for her well being, arrived there and were given her room number only to find she hadn't been brought up yet. So, having skipped lunch earlier in the day, they headed for "The Spice of Life" cafeteria and ordered some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. One bite alerted the food editor (FE) that the chicken was undercooked and that the warming lights were innefective - this was obviously half-baked (er, half-fried) chicken that had spent two too many hours sitting around unheated. The manager was summoned and informed that the FE expected better from a hospital cafeteria than to undercook the most dangerous food on the menu this side of peanut butter. He stuck his thumbs in and about the chicken (!), agreed with the FE, then fled the scene! He returned five minutes later (during which time the editors had been paged) with another plate of chicken (reheated from what was on display?) and mashed potatoes with gravy all over them, though the editors did not have gravy on their originals. The manager was informed of this fact, that the editors' sick friend was awaiting them and that if they couldn't get a refund in the next two minutes they were leaving. "Security!" shouted out the manager. The editors were momentarily stunned, then they collectively lost it. "You're calling security on us?!" they yelled. Now it was the managers turn to be stunned, but soon he sized up the situation and said "oh no, no, I mean..." We're not really sure what he meant because we angrily snarled "forget it" and left, not to eat again until Long John Silvers at 9:30 PM.

Monz ate his thoroughly barbequed chicken on a french roll with banana and apple at the proper time. (Interestingly, the attorney working next door to the editors was in Waukegan today, somewhat disdainful of the CSC but intrigued by Horsefeathers and wanting to know who the Beatle was [we lamely guessed Harrison wishing that Monz was here to set the record straight!]

Thursday, March 01, 2007


We're alive and that's clue five!

Monz barbequed some chicken, sandwiched it between two sides of a french roll, and accompanied it with an apple and string cheese. "ok"

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