Friday, September 12, 2003
This Just In!
AP -- Sept 12, 2003
Scholars working in Strafod-upon-Avon, England have stumbled upon what may be a previously unknown and unpublished fragment of manuscript by this town's favorite son, William Shakespeare. The fragment is handwritten and is of such importance that it may put an end to speculation by fringe scholars that Shakespeare did not write the plays attributed to him. The fragment was found in in a stone receptacle buried under property once listed as owned by Shakespeare, most likely in what was once his outhouse, or "privy."
The scholars who doscovered it have worked hard to transcribe the faded words. Here follows the most current transcription of this fragment:
"Scene -- castle fortifications. Night.
OSWALD:
Forsooth! Who goes there!
CHOPS:
'Tis I! Chops,
Come to relieve my Lord on this moonless night.
OSWALD:
Ach! My innards do growl so! I believe I have not
Partaken of yumminess in a goat's age! Prithee
Do you have yummy nimbus with 'ee?
CHOPS:
Unlikely, good sir. My own soul is in torment
Like yours. I just left Squire Monz at his supper.
OSWALD:
'Zounds! What doth that rapscallion feast on while
We who guard his livery feast on clouds? Even his
Several hounds et better than we!
CHOPS:
As I left,
Squire Monz had just placed an order for
Chicken Egg-Foo Yung from Chinese House.
He muttered something to our kinsmen Horatio
To the effect he expected it to be both yummy and
To comport with his diet. May a behemoth
Pierce his eye!
OSWALD:
But did not confirm it's yumminess to thou?
CHOPS:
Nay. He had just sat down as I was leaving.
I know not its actual yumminess yet."
At this point the manuscript ends. It appears to be ripped and scholars interviewed for this report expect more may be found as they continue to excavate this site. The leading scholar, Prof. Miles Underwear, believes the fragment to be equal in importance to Hamlet, MacBeth, and King Lear combined. He said it appears to be the beginning of what would likely be Shakespeare's greatest tragedy.
Wait! There's More!
AP - Sept 12 2003:
Scholars excavating a portion of land once held by William Shakespeare have unearthed a manuscript fragment which appears to be written by the bard. AP reported earlier that the find could revolutionize Shakespeare studies. The most recent reports from Stratford report the finding of another portion of manuscript which appears to be from the same work. Scholars have transcribed the fragment and we reprint it below:
"Scene - castle fortifications. Night.
CHOPS:
Ach!
OSWALD:
Harrumph! Hoy! What be that noise?
CHOPS:
Methinks it is Hargus!
HARGUS:
Good e'en, brethren.
I have news of Squire Monz!
OSWALD:
Damn his flatulent
Hide!
CHOPS:
Argh! Well, out with it, come!
HARGUS:
Squire has dined on yummy Foo Yung. He expressed
Happiness at its deliciousness. However, Squire has a
Prodigious apetite and he did but cut off the head of one of his
Men for advising him to only order the two piece rather than the four.
CHOPS:
No!
OSWALD:
I hope it does not make him yack for
Then we shall all surely pay!"
Scholars hold no hopes at this point of finding any more manuscripts.
AP -- Sept 12, 2003
Scholars working in Strafod-upon-Avon, England have stumbled upon what may be a previously unknown and unpublished fragment of manuscript by this town's favorite son, William Shakespeare. The fragment is handwritten and is of such importance that it may put an end to speculation by fringe scholars that Shakespeare did not write the plays attributed to him. The fragment was found in in a stone receptacle buried under property once listed as owned by Shakespeare, most likely in what was once his outhouse, or "privy."
The scholars who doscovered it have worked hard to transcribe the faded words. Here follows the most current transcription of this fragment:
"Scene -- castle fortifications. Night.
OSWALD:
Forsooth! Who goes there!
CHOPS:
'Tis I! Chops,
Come to relieve my Lord on this moonless night.
OSWALD:
Ach! My innards do growl so! I believe I have not
Partaken of yumminess in a goat's age! Prithee
Do you have yummy nimbus with 'ee?
CHOPS:
Unlikely, good sir. My own soul is in torment
Like yours. I just left Squire Monz at his supper.
OSWALD:
'Zounds! What doth that rapscallion feast on while
We who guard his livery feast on clouds? Even his
Several hounds et better than we!
CHOPS:
As I left,
Squire Monz had just placed an order for
Chicken Egg-Foo Yung from Chinese House.
He muttered something to our kinsmen Horatio
To the effect he expected it to be both yummy and
To comport with his diet. May a behemoth
Pierce his eye!
OSWALD:
But did not confirm it's yumminess to thou?
CHOPS:
Nay. He had just sat down as I was leaving.
I know not its actual yumminess yet."
At this point the manuscript ends. It appears to be ripped and scholars interviewed for this report expect more may be found as they continue to excavate this site. The leading scholar, Prof. Miles Underwear, believes the fragment to be equal in importance to Hamlet, MacBeth, and King Lear combined. He said it appears to be the beginning of what would likely be Shakespeare's greatest tragedy.
Wait! There's More!
AP - Sept 12 2003:
Scholars excavating a portion of land once held by William Shakespeare have unearthed a manuscript fragment which appears to be written by the bard. AP reported earlier that the find could revolutionize Shakespeare studies. The most recent reports from Stratford report the finding of another portion of manuscript which appears to be from the same work. Scholars have transcribed the fragment and we reprint it below:
"Scene - castle fortifications. Night.
CHOPS:
Ach!
OSWALD:
Harrumph! Hoy! What be that noise?
CHOPS:
Methinks it is Hargus!
HARGUS:
Good e'en, brethren.
I have news of Squire Monz!
OSWALD:
Damn his flatulent
Hide!
CHOPS:
Argh! Well, out with it, come!
HARGUS:
Squire has dined on yummy Foo Yung. He expressed
Happiness at its deliciousness. However, Squire has a
Prodigious apetite and he did but cut off the head of one of his
Men for advising him to only order the two piece rather than the four.
CHOPS:
No!
OSWALD:
I hope it does not make him yack for
Then we shall all surely pay!"
Scholars hold no hopes at this point of finding any more manuscripts.
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