Friday, July 23, 2004
Let Monz' Conscience Be Your Guide!
This week many Americans were shocked to learn of the brutal, dispicable horror being purpetrated on innocent civilians. No, not the Sudanese Genocide (that's still unknown), but this. Well, they wouldn't have been surprised had they been listening to the Monz! It was just this past July 9th that Monz was beseaching those near and far to turn away from the evil colonel and let those birds live in peace (in a lovely field, no less!) We've said it before, we'll say it again: spooky! Needless to say, the least we can do is bow our heads in prayer that Monz' lunch today of grilled chicken sandwich and chocolate milkshake from Portillo's will be pleasing.
Pleasing is not how we would describe the editors' experience at America's Dog. We had high hopes for some exotic encased meats while Doug is on haitus. So we ordered up a Baltimore Dog (fried Vienna Beef dog with melted cheese and onions) and a Louisiana Dog (bbq sauce), with a small bottle of Poland Spring water to wash it down. Ack! It took us nearly five minutes of careful analysis to confirm that the Baltimore Dog was indeed fried, or at least cooked differently from the other dog. After shoveling off the excess melted cheese, it was somewhat palatable, if unspectacular. The Louisiana Dog was a mess -- we prefer our Open Pit, and for a premium dog the whole affair looked small within the bun. These dogs were three bucks a piece - ok, but $2.25 for a small bottle of water?! With not even a sports cap?! We were so upset that we started chucking chunks of the Louisiana Dog to the seagulls. Which was a mistake, as they obnoxiously chased after the carion, squawking loudly. Hey seagulls, how'd you like to meet the Colonel?! And Monz' reaction? "You are good Muslims -- you threw out the American dogs!"
This week many Americans were shocked to learn of the brutal, dispicable horror being purpetrated on innocent civilians. No, not the Sudanese Genocide (that's still unknown), but this. Well, they wouldn't have been surprised had they been listening to the Monz! It was just this past July 9th that Monz was beseaching those near and far to turn away from the evil colonel and let those birds live in peace (in a lovely field, no less!) We've said it before, we'll say it again: spooky! Needless to say, the least we can do is bow our heads in prayer that Monz' lunch today of grilled chicken sandwich and chocolate milkshake from Portillo's will be pleasing.
Pleasing is not how we would describe the editors' experience at America's Dog. We had high hopes for some exotic encased meats while Doug is on haitus. So we ordered up a Baltimore Dog (fried Vienna Beef dog with melted cheese and onions) and a Louisiana Dog (bbq sauce), with a small bottle of Poland Spring water to wash it down. Ack! It took us nearly five minutes of careful analysis to confirm that the Baltimore Dog was indeed fried, or at least cooked differently from the other dog. After shoveling off the excess melted cheese, it was somewhat palatable, if unspectacular. The Louisiana Dog was a mess -- we prefer our Open Pit, and for a premium dog the whole affair looked small within the bun. These dogs were three bucks a piece - ok, but $2.25 for a small bottle of water?! With not even a sports cap?! We were so upset that we started chucking chunks of the Louisiana Dog to the seagulls. Which was a mistake, as they obnoxiously chased after the carion, squawking loudly. Hey seagulls, how'd you like to meet the Colonel?! And Monz' reaction? "You are good Muslims -- you threw out the American dogs!"
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