Wednesday, September 15, 2004
It's a Wonderful Lunch!
The following e-mail was received by the editors and, after proper and intense consideration, is being published for the inspriational message contained within.
"I'd come close before. Rodondo Beach. The Bay Bridge (the Golden Gate Bridge is for wusses). But this was it -- I was ready to end it all. I'm sitting at this "motivation seminar" which costs huge bucks to attend, just to increase my sales skills. Which translates to further cementing me at that swanky, rich suburban shopping mall, trying to convince teenagers and college kids that they really need a new cell phone with movie-taking features (here's an insider tip: cuddles sells the chicks on it, porn sells the guys). My brother, who used to stick me with tacks and take me fishing but is now a hot-shot lawyer because dad forced him into the army and they messed-up his mind with all that "be all the disciplined boring prick that you can be" crap, tells me that my company was bought last year by some Italian financing group, and that Americans will never see that money again. But I get a $72 bonus for every phone and calling plan I sell and that buys enough Empire State Fries combo meals (french fries cooked in peanut oil, medium "Yankee Lemonade") at the food court to keep me filled through dinner.
F*$# it all! So I'm ready to walk out of the room, take an elevator to the roof of this hotel and drop head-first into the airport shuttle bus and then, out of nowhere, I saw these angelic figures appear! Ok, they were a little on the evil clown side, but why look an epiphany horse in the mouth? They were fluttering all about -- I think I was the only person who could see them because everyone else seemed oblivious! And from their mouths eminated a single voice: that of the Monz! "Lighten up dude, go have lunch!" And I realized, I didn't have to eat those Empire State Fries, I didn't have to eat at the food court and I didn't have to stay at this crummy job! I deeply inhaled the stale hotel conference room air and smiled, awaiting the gratifying life that Monz has bestowed upon me."
All we can say is maybe he has a chicken pecan salad from Portillos in his future!
The following e-mail was received by the editors and, after proper and intense consideration, is being published for the inspriational message contained within.
"I'd come close before. Rodondo Beach. The Bay Bridge (the Golden Gate Bridge is for wusses). But this was it -- I was ready to end it all. I'm sitting at this "motivation seminar" which costs huge bucks to attend, just to increase my sales skills. Which translates to further cementing me at that swanky, rich suburban shopping mall, trying to convince teenagers and college kids that they really need a new cell phone with movie-taking features (here's an insider tip: cuddles sells the chicks on it, porn sells the guys). My brother, who used to stick me with tacks and take me fishing but is now a hot-shot lawyer because dad forced him into the army and they messed-up his mind with all that "be all the disciplined boring prick that you can be" crap, tells me that my company was bought last year by some Italian financing group, and that Americans will never see that money again. But I get a $72 bonus for every phone and calling plan I sell and that buys enough Empire State Fries combo meals (french fries cooked in peanut oil, medium "Yankee Lemonade") at the food court to keep me filled through dinner.
F*$# it all! So I'm ready to walk out of the room, take an elevator to the roof of this hotel and drop head-first into the airport shuttle bus and then, out of nowhere, I saw these angelic figures appear! Ok, they were a little on the evil clown side, but why look an epiphany horse in the mouth? They were fluttering all about -- I think I was the only person who could see them because everyone else seemed oblivious! And from their mouths eminated a single voice: that of the Monz! "Lighten up dude, go have lunch!" And I realized, I didn't have to eat those Empire State Fries, I didn't have to eat at the food court and I didn't have to stay at this crummy job! I deeply inhaled the stale hotel conference room air and smiled, awaiting the gratifying life that Monz has bestowed upon me."
All we can say is maybe he has a chicken pecan salad from Portillos in his future!
Comments:
0 comments
