monzyummylunch

The Leak!

So hesitant were we to publish the following story, because once published it will probably force powerful people to drastically change their plans, we asked the Monz if he'd want us to sit on this. "Hell no!" he said without hesitation. "Monz stands for the truth, nothing but the truth, and never but now." Thus, we reprint what appears to be a draft of a speech that was faxed to our offices.

"My fellow Americans. In these times of promise and challenge, a leader must have the courage to lead. Recently the Honorable Justice Sandra Day O'Connor tendered her resignation from the Supreme Court, which I have reluctantly accepted. She has served her nation with the upmost honor and unparlleled dignity. Now it falls upon me, as President, to nominate someone who will not only live up to her legacy, but surpass it. In our nation's past, farsighted Presidents have shaken off the shackles that bound them to select judges who currently sit on the bench. In that spirt, I proudly nominate the Monz to United States Supreme Court. Monz knows that it was the founders intent that all citizens should eat lunch. He will protect the inailiable right to the pursuit of lunch happiness. Yet he holds as self-evident the truth that all lunches are not created equal. Indeed, as I spoke with Monz just this afternoon, I was struck by the humility in which he described today's lunch of a corn beef sandwich on whole grain bread, which actually sounded tastier than the sawdust creation Laura's new White House chef put in front of me this afternoon. Just between you and me, citizens, this is why I kept Rummy around -- he'll eat anything. (Be sure to edit that out, Frum, and put in some of that family man stuff)."