Monday, September 12, 2005
Busted!
After having watched all five hours of the reality show Hooking Up, the editors were feeling a little unenthusiastic about the whole reality tv genre. But we think this one can't miss:
>>Donald Grump, the grouch with the most trash in the world, is looking for a new apprentice. Oscar, Grundgetta, and the other grouches can't wait to meet him because if they get chosen, they will get to keep some of Grump's trash. Elmo decides that he wants to be Grump's helper too, but just because he likes to help others. Grump puts them through counting and sorting tasks that Elmo does great at. Oscar and Grundgetta are too busy arguing and the other grouches have already been fired. Grump decides that even though Elmo succeeded at all the tasks, he is too good at being a helper to help a grouch. Elmo doesn'tmind. He gets to leave with the one thing he wanted anyway- Grump's hairpiece. Grundgetta and Oscar are both hired, but they decide that Grump's trash isn't worth it if they have to help him to get it. He leaves Oscar and Grundgetta no choice but to tell him, "You're fired!"<<
Now, we realize that today's report might leave some of our readers unsatisfied. We want you to know that we would have told you that today Monz' explorations of Waukegan lunch places continued with a walk down the street to the Uptown Cafe, the home of "Overstuffed Sandwiches that Just Don't Quit." Today was Monz first day in court here, having pulled a late-nighter in order to cover for another attorney, and he wanted to celebrate with something fun. He wants his loyal readers to be able to visualize the experience like never before in the history of the blog. But he did not order the "Jack Benny," but rather ordered the marinated chicken breast on marble rye (provolone, lettuce, tomato, pickle, chips). He concluded that it was a nice, happy place that even had a Thomas Hardy novel out on their stuff to read table. Complimenting while poking fun as only the Monz can do, he concluded: "The sandwich was indeed overstuffed; thankfully the provolone acted as glue and held it all together. It did, however, quit as I was able to finish it all, though it was close call. All in all pretty yummy." And we'd have given you this report verbatim, except at the end our eyes saw a note to the editors:
>>NOTE: this email is intended for the editors' eyes only. It is not intended to be cut and pasted on the blog because they don't feel like coming up with something, though portions may be quoted for fun and info.<<
We further realize that some readers might speculate how much of the above was indeed cut and pasted. We might respond "well, can you tell from the quoted portions" except we know that you are too smart for that and would respond "yeah, you probably quoted some to hide the fact that other portions were quoted as-well." But then we realize that you realize that we'd realize that. In conclusion, we think Marilyn Monroe put it best when she was asked if she wore falsies: "Those who know me, know me better."
After having watched all five hours of the reality show Hooking Up, the editors were feeling a little unenthusiastic about the whole reality tv genre. But we think this one can't miss:
>>Donald Grump, the grouch with the most trash in the world, is looking for a new apprentice. Oscar, Grundgetta, and the other grouches can't wait to meet him because if they get chosen, they will get to keep some of Grump's trash. Elmo decides that he wants to be Grump's helper too, but just because he likes to help others. Grump puts them through counting and sorting tasks that Elmo does great at. Oscar and Grundgetta are too busy arguing and the other grouches have already been fired. Grump decides that even though Elmo succeeded at all the tasks, he is too good at being a helper to help a grouch. Elmo doesn'tmind. He gets to leave with the one thing he wanted anyway- Grump's hairpiece. Grundgetta and Oscar are both hired, but they decide that Grump's trash isn't worth it if they have to help him to get it. He leaves Oscar and Grundgetta no choice but to tell him, "You're fired!"<<
Now, we realize that today's report might leave some of our readers unsatisfied. We want you to know that we would have told you that today Monz' explorations of Waukegan lunch places continued with a walk down the street to the Uptown Cafe, the home of "Overstuffed Sandwiches that Just Don't Quit." Today was Monz first day in court here, having pulled a late-nighter in order to cover for another attorney, and he wanted to celebrate with something fun. He wants his loyal readers to be able to visualize the experience like never before in the history of the blog. But he did not order the "Jack Benny," but rather ordered the marinated chicken breast on marble rye (provolone, lettuce, tomato, pickle, chips). He concluded that it was a nice, happy place that even had a Thomas Hardy novel out on their stuff to read table. Complimenting while poking fun as only the Monz can do, he concluded: "The sandwich was indeed overstuffed; thankfully the provolone acted as glue and held it all together. It did, however, quit as I was able to finish it all, though it was close call. All in all pretty yummy." And we'd have given you this report verbatim, except at the end our eyes saw a note to the editors:
>>NOTE: this email is intended for the editors' eyes only. It is not intended to be cut and pasted on the blog because they don't feel like coming up with something, though portions may be quoted for fun and info.<<
We further realize that some readers might speculate how much of the above was indeed cut and pasted. We might respond "well, can you tell from the quoted portions" except we know that you are too smart for that and would respond "yeah, you probably quoted some to hide the fact that other portions were quoted as-well." But then we realize that you realize that we'd realize that. In conclusion, we think Marilyn Monroe put it best when she was asked if she wore falsies: "Those who know me, know me better."
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