Thursday, April 13, 2006
Now I Know How to Save a Life!
"Hey Gus, how's the chicken?"
"Too tough -- they undercooked it again! Got my dentures stuck in it!"
"Oh man! But you seem like you're in a good mood today!"
"I am! I was thinking back to...well, Zeke, you're a good friend and since I'm in the twilight of my years, I think I'll open up to you a bit. Don't tell Mary, though -- you know how she likes to gossip."
"Oh man -- the clutches of chatter!"
"Heh! Well, years ago I was feeling pretty low. I hated my job, I didn't have any friends, didn't like where I lived, was really unhealthy -- the whole thing was just cumulatively awful. I didn't, you know, see the point."
"Really? I had no idea!"
"Yup. But then one day I was at Seven-Eleven, looking at what microwavable sandwiches they had for lunch, and a vision appeared to me. It was a man, one who obviousy pumped and jumped. He was about 5'11" and had a friendly expression on his face. He said "you know, a recent study reported in the American Journal of Psychiatry shows that no matter how much of a miserable loser you are in your middle age, you still have a great chance at a contented retirement!" I said, "really, so I should gut it out?" And this man -- he wasn't so much a man, but a benevolent spirit obviously channeling the energies of those who follow him and blog his lunch -- said "Yes! And in the meantime, you should be true to yourself, and if you are true to yourself, find out what kind of self you have." "Wow!" I said. "What kind of self do you think I have?" And he said "I don't know, but I have a hungry self, and I'm about to be true to it, with carrots, an apple, an organge and 3 supreme tamales from Woodman's Market." So I blew off the 7-11 and went to a nearby taco and burrito place and it was even better! But I didn't write down the strange code that appeared before my eyes -- http://www.m something -- and I was unhappy from that time until the day I retired."
"That's quite a story Gus! Say, are you going to eat that cookie?"
"Yes."
"Hey Gus, how's the chicken?"
"Too tough -- they undercooked it again! Got my dentures stuck in it!"
"Oh man! But you seem like you're in a good mood today!"
"I am! I was thinking back to...well, Zeke, you're a good friend and since I'm in the twilight of my years, I think I'll open up to you a bit. Don't tell Mary, though -- you know how she likes to gossip."
"Oh man -- the clutches of chatter!"
"Heh! Well, years ago I was feeling pretty low. I hated my job, I didn't have any friends, didn't like where I lived, was really unhealthy -- the whole thing was just cumulatively awful. I didn't, you know, see the point."
"Really? I had no idea!"
"Yup. But then one day I was at Seven-Eleven, looking at what microwavable sandwiches they had for lunch, and a vision appeared to me. It was a man, one who obviousy pumped and jumped. He was about 5'11" and had a friendly expression on his face. He said "you know, a recent study reported in the American Journal of Psychiatry shows that no matter how much of a miserable loser you are in your middle age, you still have a great chance at a contented retirement!" I said, "really, so I should gut it out?" And this man -- he wasn't so much a man, but a benevolent spirit obviously channeling the energies of those who follow him and blog his lunch -- said "Yes! And in the meantime, you should be true to yourself, and if you are true to yourself, find out what kind of self you have." "Wow!" I said. "What kind of self do you think I have?" And he said "I don't know, but I have a hungry self, and I'm about to be true to it, with carrots, an apple, an organge and 3 supreme tamales from Woodman's Market." So I blew off the 7-11 and went to a nearby taco and burrito place and it was even better! But I didn't write down the strange code that appeared before my eyes -- http://www.m something -- and I was unhappy from that time until the day I retired."
"That's quite a story Gus! Say, are you going to eat that cookie?"
"Yes."
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