Saturday, January 26, 2008
Resist the Red!
At last the story can be told. What you are looking at is an image from a secret document dating from the 1960's detailing a plot by the Heinz company to take control of the world. Some of the brave souls who tried to report this back then were ridiculed as crazy. The less fortunate found themselves condiments for creatures far lower on the evolutionary chain than man! Then came senator John Heinz III. The Presidential run of John Kerry, husband of Teresa Heinz (who remarried after the passing of Senator Heinz). The dispatching of Hunts Tomato Catchup to the bottom shelf of the grocery. And as of late, an insidious scheme to burrow the name "Heinz" into the subconcious mind of football fans across the nation. "Say what?!" Yes, dear readers, the Heinz company has taken the first step: paying broadcasters so that every NFL national radio broadcast replaces the term "Red Zone" (the final ten yards standing between a team and a touchdown) with the phrase "Heinz Red Zone." When you hear Heinz, you must resist! Have you always used Heinz ketchup at home? Ask yourself why? Are you sure it's the taste? Try going to the grocery and buying a different brand -- you will feel a resistance! That's the Heinz power!
Courage.
Another story that can now be told: Friday Monz went to China Garden for Ma Po Tofu & rice.
At last the story can be told. What you are looking at is an image from a secret document dating from the 1960's detailing a plot by the Heinz company to take control of the world. Some of the brave souls who tried to report this back then were ridiculed as crazy. The less fortunate found themselves condiments for creatures far lower on the evolutionary chain than man! Then came senator John Heinz III. The Presidential run of John Kerry, husband of Teresa Heinz (who remarried after the passing of Senator Heinz). The dispatching of Hunts Tomato Catchup to the bottom shelf of the grocery. And as of late, an insidious scheme to burrow the name "Heinz" into the subconcious mind of football fans across the nation. "Say what?!" Yes, dear readers, the Heinz company has taken the first step: paying broadcasters so that every NFL national radio broadcast replaces the term "Red Zone" (the final ten yards standing between a team and a touchdown) with the phrase "Heinz Red Zone." When you hear Heinz, you must resist! Have you always used Heinz ketchup at home? Ask yourself why? Are you sure it's the taste? Try going to the grocery and buying a different brand -- you will feel a resistance! That's the Heinz power!
Courage.
Another story that can now be told: Friday Monz went to China Garden for Ma Po Tofu & rice.
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