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Friday, April 30, 2004

Don't Leap To Conclusions - Part I!

"So Monz, what was lunch?" "You're going to have to hang on because I don't remember." Wow! That bad (in the bland/blah-zay sense), we thought? Naw, that good, so good in fact that Monz felt it was his duty to get the news out: Red Wine Vinagarette from Subway (hold the oinions).
Don't Leap To Conclusions - Part II!

The editors will be away on assignment the next two weeks (unavoidable, truly) and were fretting what could be done to satisfy our dear readers. Leave a mass of non-Monz material to peruse while we were gone?

&#$@ THAT! Though it seems so clear in retrospect, Monz himself is going to step up to the plate (no pun intended) and guest blog! That's right, Monz is blogging the next two weeks! Don't miss it!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

You've Got To Fight!

For your right...to lunch well! But if you're a lover and not a fighter (at least today), you might send someone out to Wendy's for an ultimate chicken grill, side caeser salad and a small frosty.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Are You In Good Hands?!

You are if you are feeling the lunch maliase and entrust yourself to that behive of professionals whipping up culinary delights....oh wait, that's Papa Savario's, we mean Jeff's for a turkey bacon club! "Not creative but it does the trick." We sensed that Monz might not be that hungry. "Oh no, that tukey bacon club is going down! Get in the ring, turkey bacon club!" Hey Jeff's, who's your papa now?!


Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Years From Now!

Years from now some modern classic rock station will be doing a regular "focus" feature on U2. And sometime around 2PM they'll anounce, with self-sastisfied smugness, that they are playing a "deep cut" -- the song "Numb." Now "numb" was actually released as a single, but it was the nadir of their career popularity-wise (it was the first single from the horrid "Zooropa" CD, and the band had realized that they better use the pent-up expectations of their fans on the first single and not waste the one good track, "Staring at the Sun," which was released second. "Numb" is how your editors feel today, so it was with amazement that the Monz caught on about this in relaying today's lunch, doing so in a numb-ers theme:

>>Today's lunch is a #4 from the "new" chinese place. I think a #4 is Schezwan Chicken (complete with the warning "HOT"), egg roll, and shrimp fried rice. But since I'm scared of shrimp from storefront chinese places, I substituted chicken FR. I decided to venture into the world of chinese food numbered specials just for the fun and the price -- it is $4.25!!! This is more than half off what it would cost ala carte!
Unlike the rest of my life, I hope this meal doesn't rock!<<



Monday, April 26, 2004

Midnight Oil!

Ratcheting up the zelous representation, Monz works alone late at night preparing a brief for the penultimate court of last resort (or is that the court of penultimate resort). For nourishment he sends himself to Malnati's! There were leftovers...

Friday, April 23, 2004

Don't Red Line This Subway!

Not when it's a whole wheat honey ham 12-inch sub from the sandwich franchise king! Monz doesn't think they overdid the fixins, but we're always suspicious, many times having endured the anxiety of, after perfectly specifying the precise order for the sub, panically yell out "NO!!!!!" as the workers behind the counter pile on unwanted toppings and squirt obnoxious oils onto our feast.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Stretch! Stretch!

But no need to kvetch, especially when economizing and lunchonizing is this easy! In other words, the leftovers from the bash were so yummy and voluminous that Monz is having them again. One of the editors' father likes Turkey for dinner for the same extended leftover reason.


Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Naked Lunch!

From the seminal Burroughs mindfulness: "when everybody sees what's on the end of every fork." But Monz outdoes the venerated vagabond's verbosity by showing us what's on the end of his spork. Spork?! Apparently Monz is at the forefront of the spork movement, a dining utensil that combines the qualities of a fork with the shape characteristics of a spoon. Who knew? Apparently quite a few within the Monz inner circle. And what is Monz sporking today? Hot and sour soup from non-anon Chinese chef (PF Chang, though does anyone really know if he's Chinese, let alone if he exists, let alone if he's a he?) and leftover turkey cranberry wrap/avocado wrap, which the editors can personally vouch for as YUMMY!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

My Baby Is American Made!

Amy conributes to Monz' feliz cupleanos by heading to Bennigan's to pick up an America Burger. We expect it will contain red and white, we just hope it won't make Monz blue. Happy Birthday Mark Monz!


Monday, April 19, 2004

Shake It Up!

Venturing home, Monz stops at the Nelsonville, Ohio Steak 'n Shake for a single cheeseburger, diet coke and slaw. Somewhat baffling, the diet coke never came (?). We don't know if Monz was going through the SnS drive-through, but we've had bad soft drink experiences there with cups that don't fit a car's cup holder. Anyway, the burger was ok but the slaw was very distressing, and trust us brother, that's the last thing you need on a long drive, especially if it's the lower colonic variety! Maybe Steak 'n Shake gets passive-agressive if you don't order a shake.

Friday, April 16, 2004


Well, we got messages from the ranch -- self-made lunches that sounded fairly elemental but were purported to be yummy. More importantly, what's with the gravely voice? This is a master guitar camp, not a drum session in a sweat lodge!


Wednesday, April 14, 2004

The Life He Loves Is Making Music With His Friends!

Friends like Jorma and Jack, that is! Monz will be on the road again to celebrate the latter's BD and the partake in the former's master class. But here's a last report before he takes off for parts south:

>>American Burger from Bennigans. Yummy. Stole Vicki's pickle. Yum. Actually it was *offered* to me, lest you think I am a nimbus thief! This is the last lunch before Ohio!!!

Road food tomorrow, unless I prep something tonight. I'm bringing my laptop -- I'll log on if it's not to expensive from the motel and update readers on my JK lunches. They should be varied and yummy. This might be a good time to extend the blog into the weekend. Deal with it.

We'll deal, we'll deal!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


A Calicobb salad from McDonald's. While it lived up to their radio FAQ commercial (i.e., the lettuce was crisp), the whole affair left Monz sad. We think we know why: there was no grilled chicken McGrill, thus making up only half of "the usual."

Monday, April 12, 2004

Fat and Happy!

Is this Monz' future?! We can hope and hope not and hope again. Meanwhile, today Monz had a beef and muenster sandwich from the Jewel. So much mustard, so much beef, that we are tempted to call it a Monstermustardmuenster!


Friday, April 09, 2004

Only The One And Only!

You say that sounds familiar? Yeah, it's the latest radio theme song for the Chicago Bulls (a quasi-doo-wop ditty). But it's not the Bulls! Sure, they have some cool brews and brooding foods, but so do the Bucks. But how many people would put up with a crap-a** corned beef sandweeeeech from Jeff's because it's Vicki's birthday and she wanted to go there. Tough, stringy, and sliced a little thick -- now that describes the current Bulls!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

So What Flicks Did You See?!

China Chef (which for some reason which we suspect is subconscious, Monz only refers to as "the new Chinese place") - small chicken egg foo yung and hawaii fried rice -- no rocks so far, which means Monz is Walking Tall!

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

It Was A Long Cool Sandwhich In A Black Dressing!

Well, we don't know what color the fixins were, but Monz dined on a grilled chicken sandwich from Cochiarro's. Long bun, thin chicken -- makes us suspect that Cocharrio's might be lookin to go into the bread-supplying business for Cosi...


Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Irish Up!

Update: properly cooked. yummy. satiated.
Try To Keep Up!

(we got most of this, but the fury came fast and furious!)

"a bud of mine told me that blackie's delivers. so when we got back from florida we decided to order up some blackie's. i had a taste for a hamburger like you wouldn't believe. they said it'd be there in an hour - i said that's cool. 20 minutes later it was the delivery dude. i was a little nervous, so i sat down at the table and it was raw. i don't mean steak tartare, but raw. i got pissed so i put it in the microwave and took it out and put it on my bun. it was still raw! at that point i completely lost my mind and fed it to belew. belew hung out for a while, then wandered down the hall and proceded to vomit violently down the place. this burger was not good for anyone, man or beast!

ever since then i had a taste for a burger that's actually cooked, and yummy. so when amy said bennigan's, i took this as an opportunity to satiate my burger lust."

Two Questions:

1) Did Monz order this one well done? (yes)
2) Why didn't you contact Blackie's? (he was out of my mind with fear and anger...and the soprano's was about to start).


Monday, April 05, 2004

Baby's Got Back!

He's Back! So we're back! Fresh from a cold-riddled trip to the happiest place on earth, Monz settles back in with a beef sandwhich from Jewel. If only it returned the favor -- last we heard, there were about to be more up and downs than a whore's drawers...

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