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Friday, March 31, 2006

I Wish I Was Drunk!

Whenever I take the train downtown to court, like I did today, I am always on the lookout for how the buildings right next to the railroad track are holding up. There's one special building, right past the Kennedy merge which is especially close to the tracks. It has a lot of graffiti on it. I am not a fan of graffiti "art," and I do not think someone's ability to spraypaint goth letters on someone else's property is an acceptable form of self-expression. However, one particularly brave and sad individual gained access to this certain roof and spraypainted in really normal, non-goth, non-graffiti-like lettering, "I Wish I was Drunk." Every time I see it I can just imagine the sadness of a life where you can't even get drunk, but you can jump on a roof and spraypaint. There it was today. It's been there for a long time and I wonder how long it will take before someone cleans this plaintive longing away.

Then I went home and had a ditto lunch.

Chinese food Friday will return next week. Sorry!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Monzyummylunch: The Musical!

The editors were looking at the new Omega Institute catalog (more on this later) and came across this incredocool looking course. If only Monz' largesse hadn't left us lacking the resources to take this -- we could produce the musical the world has been waiting for! Imagine the possibilities!

Scene: Old Italy. Leonardo DaVinci is working on a painting. His young apprentice comes in. "Master, it's genius!" "Rubbish! It's unworthy of those scandolous murals the young soldiers gawk at on leave! But look, my little baird, look carefully. There's a code! "A code??? "Yes!" (That famous Italian folk music strikes up...)

In the future
lives a man
far away on the stormy seas
he will amaze them
with his lunches
when he eats whatever he pleases.
it's delicious,
prepared by his better half,
with an apple,
carrot and string cheese,
tell me what could be better than that?"

Monz is blogging tomorrow!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Couldn't Quote You No Dickens, Shelley or Keats!

Monz commands that we not cut and paste
Yet in this judgment he makes haste
For his rhymes today were magnifique
While those of the editors are kinda weak

Monz reached into his beast-stocked cellar
Found cooked pork chops fit for a manly feller
Whole grain mustard, dark German wheat
Makes a lunch dorky slackers would call "sweet!"

Carrots, clementines and string cheese
Monz scoffs at alergies that make some sneaze
Yet we're saddened about those origninal rhymes
Monz should post them at this righteous time

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

You Gotta Ask Yourself, "Do I Feel Lucky?" Well, Do You?!

About a year and a half ago the editors came across a verrrrry scary flick. Actually, we don't know if the flick is scary -- it is a horror flick, but what was scary was 1) the title and 2) the backstory Even though copies were floating around ebay for supercheap, we were afraid to order one. Then we found the film listed in Netflix, so we added it to our queue at position 6. But we were still afraid the film might be jinxed, so we've been dropping the film in the queue each time it's about to be sent to us.

But our feelings have changed upon hearing today from the Monz. No food in the house, Monz angrifies, storms out and gets stuck with the Waukegan usual. Nothing could be more horrifying than this sequence of events. So we're going to let the flick come to us. And of course we will share with the Monz, because, as Monz says, sharing is caring!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Making Monz Proud!

Inspired by the munificient spirit that is Monz, the editors spent a non-Kinks Sunny Afternoon helping to clean Gill Park on the North Side of Chicago, then headed off to Delilah's to attend a friend of the blog's groovy dj event and to drown their sorrows over another friend's job loss. The stats tell the story!:

Number of beer bottle shards collected: inumerable
Number of cigarette butts collected: inummerable
Number of beer bottle caps collected: inummerable
Number of straws collected: approx. two dozen
Number of condom packages collected: three
Number of used condoms collected: one
Number of needle kits sans needles collected: one

And trust us, it's rare when the EIC outdrinks the Monz, however slightly!:

Number of beers consumed by Monz over weekend: 4 (Shiner Hefaweisen (sp?)= wheat, 1 Wittkebier, 1 Shiner Blond Ale -- hi Ale!)
Number of beers consumed over weekend (EIC): 1 (Bud select)
Number of bourbon shots: 4

We also learned Chuck Woolery was in a band ("The Avant Guarde") and had a top-40 (barely!) hit with "Naturally Stoned," which is surprisingly great.

The weekend has ended, but the stats continue:

Number of yummy Monz 3/27/06 lunches: 1 (Liversaussage on dark German wholegrain bread, both from Woodman's Market, 2 clementines (ditto) and carrots).

Friday, March 24, 2006


Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of wicked admen? Monz does! Years ago he warned us of the evil that is KFC. Today that evil is manifested in their new television ad, which is infused with meaness. A mother comes home to find her 20something daughter munching on a chicken dinner. She chastises the daughter for her extravagent lifestyle, having spent at least $8 on the feast. No way, the daughter replies, it's KFC and only $4. Not molified, the mom taunts the daughter that if she is such a good saver, why hasn't she moved her sorry ass out. "Mom!" the girl snorts! Then, to try to cover up the mean-ness, the faux-hiphop Skynyrd music kicks in and we see a picture of the smiling daughter taking another bite. But we know she's crying inside! Bad KFC, bad!

Good Chinse Food Friday, Good! "The best Chinese food I've had in three weeks" Monz declares, as he relishes his China Garden's pork special (pork with garlic sauce, pork fried rice).

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Cry Us a River!

The cold-ravaged editors headed to Cereality for a light lunch. They ordered the "Good Morning" or something like that, which has Cinnomon Graham Crunch and Life and chocolate pieces, added some 2% milk, and looked over at the tables. All filled! They headed back to the counter and...and...dropped the whole creation! And this was no "clean" drop either -- the carton hit the corner of the counter, tiped over, spilled some onto the counter, more onto the floor, continuing to drip-drip-drip from the counter on down. Sheepishly, the editors looked over to the staff. No eye contact. They walked over and alerted them to the situation. "No problem" shouted one, way too loud. "Mop!" he yelled. The EIC reached for his wallet. "Oh no, we'll make you a new one." "Already on it" said another. "Thanks, sorry" we replied. "Hey, no use in crying over spilled milk. Spilled milk, get it?"

We took our seats at the counter. Normally we eschew conversation and listen to our radio walkman, but the mop guy started singing to the Sirius 70s channel that was playing. "When I think back to all the crap I learned in high school!..." Not wanting to offend the mopper by making him think we were reaching for our walkmen in reaction to his singing, we smiled and dug into our Good Mornings.

Compare that to Monz lunch: Smoked turkey salsa sandwich from the CSC, Apple from the B-club, Carrots from home, Salad (inedible) from the CSC = yummy lunch. And Monz didn't spill a morsel!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


A cold-ravaged editorial staff gamely approach the keyboard to report Monz' lunch:
Lunch is a monzmade turkey sandwich (blend of normal and buffalo) on WG bread, with carrots, apple, and some string-cheese. Yum.

And give a glimpse of their suffering dimentia. Years ago the EIC watched an episode of "VIP" -- a Pamela Sue Anderson vehicle where she played a valley girl named "Valerie Irons" who agrees to front a Beverely Hills detective agency ("Valerie Irons Protection") after being assured she won't be in danger. Wacky, and dangerous, hijinks ensue. At least, the EIC --thinks-- he watched such an episode, and for years he's had a line from the show rattling around his brain: "There's only room for one computer geek in this town!" Two weeks ago the first season of the show was released on DVD and the EIC, using his Netflix (tm) subscription, ordered it up to check his memory. And there is indeed a line very close to this which appears in the very last episode, which guest starred Ice-T (who does not play a computer geek).

Legendary "SuperJock" Larry Lujack and his sidekick, "Snotnose" Little Tommy, are the morning team (along with some woman I've never heard of) on a local Chicago AM oldies station. What's frightening is that they sound exactly the same as they did 35 years ago. Listen for yourself.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

We Hardly Knew Thee!

No sooner do we introduce Monzdom to Miss Flow then she abandons us! Well, we would never do that! Even if the entire editorial staff was sick at home with a sore throat, we'd still find a way to inform you of Monz' lunch. Because that's Monz way! And today's Monz' way was the Sub-way: footlong turkey on Hearty Italian bread with hot peppers, perfect for fielding inquiries from your new business Web site!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Stream o' Kahnshussness!

So tired can't stay out late every day on weekend need sleep want to go home Long John Silver's has yummy lobster bites which may well be quality lobster since there was so little and they fool you by extending meal out with their crap battered fish but most of all there is too much "Flair" there not Ric Flair Flair but Office Spaceflair like when people walk out and they ask you to "ring the bell" by the door if you liked the service and when someone does they shout out "thank you!' but you suspect it's mostly kids and adults who feel like ringing a bell and I don't want to deal with it so I walk out via the "in" door where there is no bell and even though Neo Tech is a fraud I might check out that Bicameral Mind theory and that aerobics book even though I never looked at that Navy Seals exercise manual I downloaded I feel a cold coming on but must focus because the world needs to hear Monz' lunch and even though story of his volunteering as movie extra is exciting I won't link to film because if fans want to know Monz identity they need to come to our Obie party which might not be at Obie since it made Monz ill maybe Gojo's which would be ironic.

Monz had some yummy bow tie pasta with chicken prepared by Mrs. Monz, with carrots and apple.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Chicos, and the Man!

The editors are, like the Monz, big fans of the tv show "Lost." Their weekly Lost watching experience ("ha! Lost airs reruns more often than not!" - media editor) is always marked by a moment of meloncholy sadness. Why? Because ABC airs "Freddy," right before Lost. Freddy stars Freddy Prinze Jr., and in an homage to his late father, the production credits end with Sr.'s classic "Looooking Goood!" soundbite from the hit sitcom "Chico and the Man". We were also reminded of this when reading about this Chico, the first Arab chartopper on the British pop charts, which is ironic because the editors have heard Latino comics (like Freddy Prinze Sr. was) joke about being mistaken for Arabs.

Enough with these chicos, what's up with the Man? Well, there's no mistaking Monz' stay-at-home lunch: turkey sandwich. "Turkey is usually boring, but not this turkey. Oh no, this turkey kicks ass! Gobble, gobble, gobble, Monz is gobbling." We are resisting the urge to use "turkey" in an editorial comment about "Freddy."

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Red Letter Day!

(Editors Note: MYL government sources (we can't divulge names, but his or her codename is "Plame") provided us with the following transcript. Earlier this year the Chinese government unveiled Jingjing and Chacha, internet police that pop up on computers to warn users they are net surfing in dangerous waters).

Jingjing: We just got the call, check this out.

Chacha: Oh, this won't do. The Party simply will not stand for this. Who does this Yankee Egoist think he is, creating "Chinese Food Friday" and informing the world of the yumminess of his lunch. Apparently the Monz is not content to keep his subversion to his own kind. Didn't we send the Panda Express squad to take care of this?

J: Yes, but they utterly failed. But Central Command has a plan. We've arranged for Monz to go to court tomorrow in downtown Chicago. He won't be able to do Chinese Food Friday this week with what's in store for him! His fans will lose faith in his power and his "Do What Want" philosophy wil crumble!

C: Great! The plan has already been executed and...wait, what is this? Monz has switched Chinese Food Friday to Thursday!!! He went to Fong's Kitchen to compare their lunch special. Not only did he get the chicken lo mein and pork friend rice, but this place includes an egg roll. And it's "ok." He's evaded our real-world cyberworld blockers! Chiu!

J: Wait, what's that sound I hear?

Monz: Ah-ha-ha!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Why We're Not Russell!

Monzyummylunch can fairly be called the anti-Russell. Because we're like an employed school teacher: we've got class! Today Mrs. Monz treks north to dine with the Monz at Waukegan Yacht Club. Vehree clahsee indeed. Monz had the Regatta Burger, which came with sweet potato fries, "delicious" bread, "ok" creamy cole slaw, and a pickle. "They obviously bought some beef and made a burger out of it -- no frozen [expletive]." Mrs. Monz had the soup of the day and salad bar. By coincidence, yesterday the EIC was taken out to a swanky Chinese restaurant where a friend had a $50 gift certificate if the bill went over $75 (necessitating a banana cream pie purchase). However, the EIC plans to put an end to this swankery tonight, much to Monz' chagrin!


Monz: "I don't understand."
EIC: "Tonight's dinner? Lobster bites? Long John Silvers?
Monz: "Oh yeah! Ha! Ha! I feel sorry for the lobster!"

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Dining Tips a la Monzyummylunch!

The editors, writing on behalf of the Monz, take this opportunity (presented by the Monz-admittedly lackluster lunch of a footlong turkey sandwich from "the place") to present some important and timely dining tips. You may have read about the Chicago attorney (not Monz!) who left a $3 tip on a $200 bill and subsequently found himself outed by a bitter waitress. The attorney claims he made a mistake by misplacing the decimal on the credit card slip. Leaving aside that $20 would still be a smll tip, we offer the following advice:

1) Don't pay by credit card -- this way they won't have your name!
2) If you make reservations, use an alias of someone you don't like, like "Ernie Attorney."
3) If the service is horrible, don't retaliate with a small tip! Respond by expanding their universe, like Monz and editors! You'd be surprised at the sources of tip-size mind expanding printed materials out there. We kinda liked epistomology for deep dark nights of the, er, soul. Then again, sometimes a picture is worth 1,000 words!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Stout Enough for Guinness!

This past weekend turned the LE into a pizza delivery man. Here's the deal: the LE, having applied for a mostly online MLS program at University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, rose early Saturday morning to make the 2.5 hour drive from Chicago to the campus, just to check out the lay of the land. Prior to his trip, the LE consulted two UoI alums and a coworker who grew up there and asked what was worth seeing/doing/etc.. In an unsettling series of coincidences, the top response was a pizza place: Papa Del's. This implied that either there was little to see/do/etc. in Champaign-Urbana or that Papa Del's has some [expletive] good pizza. What was Monz' reaction to this information? "Bring me back a slice!" The LE explained that he did not have the food storage equipment for such a task. "Don't worry about that, bring me back a slice!" said the Monz! And thus it was done -- the foil wrapped pizzaness was placed in a 3-hour "hot/cold" bag, placed in the trunk, and refrigerated in Chicago until the next day when it went back in the bag/trunk and was delivered to Monz' door. I.L.E.H.O., it was some damn fine pizza. And there didn't seem much to do in Champaign-Urbana. Does anyone know the world record for pizza delivery?

Free range turkey meatball sandwich, the meatballs cooked in spicy sauce, placed in specially selected buns. Orange it out with carrots and an orange. Sounds like a world record for 3/13/06 yumminess to us!

Friday, March 10, 2006

You Silly Fool, You Can't Change Your Fate!

Just because Monz knows how to rock the blog world by creating "Chinese Food Friday" doesn't mean the Monz doesn't know how to shake and shimmy. Oh Contraire -- Monz has moves! So today he puts aside his bell bottom blues and orders the curry chicken special. The editors have special insight into this dish: visiting friends in Japan, they were taken to an authentic Japanese Chinese Resturant and didn't find anything resembling what you see on American Chinese Resturant menus. But there were lots of curry based dishes, and the editors presumed these were more authentic. Alas, the chicken was chewey and soft, like those people in "The Last Days of Disco" ten years down the road. Monz did a quick two-step and avoided this fowl foul, but did enjoy the curry sauce with the rice.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Down 'n Dirty!

Time constraints limit the editors to providing you with the following slice of Monz living la vida kegan. First it was off to "the place" for a footlong turkey on hearty Italian bread. The young woman behind the counter doesn't understand the hand sign for "tiny little bit of oil and vinegar." But life is smiling on the Monz, as he finds "the intensity of the excess is surprisingly not bad, though I don't think I'll make it a regular thing." Then Monz walked up the street to the coffee house cum record store, exchanging hearty "hey!" greetings with purple headed teens, making his way through the books, games and dvd's, only to find that they did not have the new Cheap Trick reissues in stock. No cave bear clans here, Monz soldiers on alone.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Go with the Flow...or No with the Flow?!

A request has been conveyed to the editors for more musical polling of the Monz (especially as we await the debut of myspace monzmusic). The request reminded the Music Editor of a certain street musician he listens to while waiting for the Red Line (on days he takes the subway home): Miss Flow! The ME doesn't quite know what to make of Miss Flow, because 1) Miss Flow performs both covers and originals, so when he's digging one of her Lauryn Hill/Mariah-y jams he doesn't know if he's digging Miss Flow as much as the songwriter and 2) he's afraid to talk to Miss Flow on break because, well, the red line during rush hour is kinda divided between the northbound and southbound "audiences" and the ME isn't sure how welcome such an entreat would be. So Monz, after you finish your homemade cornbeef with nonfat american cheese, apple, carrots, and the "amazingly long-lost reintroduction of bananas," whaddya say, is it "go" or "no"?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Best a Man Can Get!

Today Monz is dining on a homemade corned beef sandwich, with mesquite whole grain mustard on whole grain bread, carrots and an apple. Before he dug in, the editors asked the Monz for advice on what course to take at The Latin Schoolin their continuing quest to improve themselves. Monz gave rankings and commentary to each class the editors had expressed some interest. Here's what he said about class 0506:

"Men's skin is naturally thicker than a women's skin, particularly their beard. Men generally have larger pores and a higher degree of oil productions [Monz:"Squirt!"] which necessitates special skincare to address their needs. [Monz:"WTF?"] Kiehl's Since 1851 will give you special instruction on how to obtain an amazing shave. While a daily shave has the benefit of physically exfoliating the beard area, it is notoriously hard on skin.[Monz:"Grrrrrrrr!"] Tiny red bumps [Monz: "Oh no!"], ingrown hairs, and patches of irritation can result if the proper products and good shaving techniques are not used. [Monz: "Dude, that's really weak!"] Join the experts from Kiehl's to learn about their extensive range of men's shaving creams and specific, face-saving shaving method. [Monz: "$35 to steal your Saturday? Well, I dunno dude, you might learn something useful about shaving. And then you can tell me. 2.0 (out of ten)"]"

We were wondering, what's the deal with the horses

Monday, March 06, 2006

We Have a Winner!

First, a heartfelt thanks to Monz and his vigorous blogging while the editors were on assignment in Los Angeles. More on that later, but without further ado, we present the winner of the "Yummify the Monz' Lunch Contest." The hearty handshake, slap on the back, warm glow of victory and gift certificate goes to (drumroll please)

G-Man!!! For his winning lunch suggestion: cheeseburger (no ketchup, mayo, no onions) and a side salad with blue cheese in lieu of fries! Monz gave this lunch a 6.5 (no grade inflation in Professor Monz' classroom!). This was the same score Monz gave the runner-up, Almond butter and honey sandwich with steamed carrots and a hard-boiled egg, but between the enthusiastic approval and ease of ordering, G-Man's new twist on an American classic wins out. Oh, and nobody came close to winning the grand prize (one entrant got three tails in a row). :-(

The editors and Monz want to thank everyone who entered. You're all winnners!!! Yay!!! You deserve a winner of a lunch, like 2 shrimp spring rolls from Whole Foods, with carrot, apple and diet rite soda.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Life is Change!

Here at MYL, the Editors and I, together, try and expand the boundaries of lunch blogs everywhere. After yesterday's post about a current blog-fad called "half-naked thursday," I decided to forge new ground and create "chinese food friday!" So, I went down to China Garden for a Kung-Po Chicken lunch special which looked something like this:

It was very yummy and a perfect portion size!

So there you go! I'm liking "Chinese-food Friday!"

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Heartbreak!
As Msr's old co-worker used to say, "Monz Again!"

The editorial staff attempted to coax me into partaking in that new blog-fad, Half-naked Thursday. And I was all set to go! But . . . . (or do I mean butt . . . ) As I was working out last night, I started to get dizzy. I ran home and spent the night on the pot. No HNT this week. Thanks, famous Obie-burger! But, I still need to eat, and I'm clearly not into greasy burgers today, so I went to the CSC and got a nice, cold, ungreasy greek chicken sandwich. It's as yummy as anything could be today.


EIC called in to report on his trip. He says his lunch yesterday was 2 nature's valley peanut butter bars and he hopes all the readers are lunching better!

Also, I've had a request for more before/after photos of my yummy lunch. If I can remember my camera tomorrow, it shall be done!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Vacation All I Ever Wanted!

Monz Here.

With the editorial staff out in sunny LA having fun and waiting for the big earthquake, I'm here in the cold, soggy midwest eating lunch. So, I decided to have a rare treat today to comfort myself. I dug out my Obie's menu and ordered up a famous Obie Burger and a side salad. Well . . . It was kinda yummy, but I should have asked what a famous Obie burger was before I ordered it because it came slathered in bacon and onions, and if there's one thing the Monz must pick off, its bacon and most of the onions. So I wolfed it down and now I'm sitting here enjoying my onion hangover and gastro-intestinal distress. Now I'm gonna have to hit the gym extra hard tonight. Last time I was there, I got yelled at by the oldest personal trainer, who interrupted a session with someone to yell at me about how crappy my squats were. Tonight I feel like being left alone so I hope I don't run into him!


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