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Friday, November 30, 2007

Mohammed the Lunch!

In solidarity with Gillian Gibbons, we are naming today's lunch after a 7 year old Sudanese schoolchild. Today Monz went to the Leno Mosque for a Caliphate Veggie Sub with peppers hotter than a July desert in Saudi Arabia. Sharif don't like it, but the Monz did!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Nuts to You!

Monz invited the Political Editor (PE) to share with some of our out-of-town readers what local politics is like around these parts. For example, take Cook County, home of the great city of Chicago. The County government has one of the largest budgets of any state or local government "unit" in the nation. The county board of commissioners meets regularly to debate the important issues that arise in administering the many programs and services the County provides. Recently the commisioners debated a proposal to raise taxes. Here are some excerpts from the Chicago Sun-Times report:

Commissioner William Beavers said "if (Board President) was a white man, he wouldn't have half these problems," ... Beavers railed on that one of Stroger's top critics, Commissioner Tony Peraica, "hates everybody who's black ... all black elected officials," going on to say Peraica used to beat up black people growing up in the Bridgeport neighborhood.
Peraica and others say the comments are not only untrue, they're born of a desperate frustration that Stroger can't pass a 2 percentage-point sales tax hike or other increases.
Yet, prompted by a reporter's question, Beavers yelled not to forget that he's "the hog with the big nuts and I'm gonna tell you what it is."
When commissioners voted to make cuts to (African-American) county Recorder Gene Moore's office, cuts Moore said he supports, Beavers implied Moore wasn't smart enough to understand the cuts and Republican commissioners must have used racial intimidation to get him to agree.
Name-calling continued as Commissioner Liz Gorman, county Republican Party chairman, ripped into fellow Republican Peraica unprovoked, reading from a list of insults, calling him a "loser," "pathetic, pathological liar," an "abusive weasel" who is "no man," and an "ineffective leader" who has "no substance."
A shocked Peraica said Gorman has "no self-respect" and her attack was "abominable" and "despicable."
But then, even Commissioner Joseph Mario Moreno called Peraica "a jerk."
Commissioners will meet again Friday to try to plug the budget hole.

No debating Monz' lunch: Smart Slices tofuturkey sandwich on whole grain bread with vegan "cheese" and an apple.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Liars and Thieves!

This flick must have sucked. Monz' lunch didn't suck, but it was merely "adequate": Kashi(tm) black bean mango frozen dinner, apple and a banana.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Contenders and Pretenders!

There are a lot of wannabe lunch bloggers out there who think they can dethrown the Monz. They typically start out strong, then peter-out, leaving nothing but a sad receptical for blogspam in the comments. Registering a domain name is no substitute for endurance. That's kinda like acting all big and important like an attorney and then shortchanging the good folks at the yummy resturaunt like Baccis while the Monz watches and silently mocks, all while feating on bruschetta and spaghetti pomodoro!

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Second Monzy!

Today we award our second Monzy award, which recognizes excellent excellence wherever it appears. The winner is New York Times "Number Two" music critic (a position previously held by author/playa Neil Strauss) Kelefa Saneh. In Saneh's review of the new Celine Dion CD, he makes the following inspired observation:
Now comes the sixth, “Taking Chances,” which starts simply enough, with the title track, with a strummed guitar and an absurd plea: “Don’t want to be alone tonight, on this planet they call Earth.” (By the way that last prepositional phrase, portentous and meaningless, can be tacked onto just about any lyric in need of extra oomph: “Sweet home, Alabama, on this planet they call Earth”; “You lived your life like a candle in the wind, on this planet they call Earth”; “We be big pimpin’, on this planet they call Earth.”)

Monz, who does nothing half-heartedly, might up the portention by saying "on this WHOLE planet they call Earth" -- as in Whole Foods, the source of today's giant tofu rolls (though the similarly large apple came from Dominick's).

Friday, November 23, 2007

Something in the Air!

Ugh. MSG-hangover today. Ugh. More processed fake-meat sandwich on whole wheat. Plus decaf coffee.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


No official lunch today, a late lunch of turkey and trimmings. Yum!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Open the Door, Get on the Floor, Everybody Walk the Dinosaur!Clients. Or should we say non-clients. The ones who claim they want help, but when help is offered, placed before them like a perfectly broiled steak (or portabello mushroom) after a long, lunchless day, they ingratefully refuse, or worse, don't show up! Thus, the MYL staff and the Monz were denied afun, educational oportunity.

At least Monz wasn't denied lunch, which was like a sliced ham, but wasn't, and like a honeycrisp apple, and was!

Happy Thanksgiving to Monz, Mrs. Monz, the Monz household and all our loyal readers!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Double Your Pleasure!
The rising star of the Kenosha County bar? Well, that's what the Legal Editor (LE) was pitching to the Monz as they sojourned to Kenosha, Wisconsin (the county just across the Illinois/Wisco border. Alas, the purported top Italian returaunt in downtown Kenosha was...well, let's just say it was no Bacci's! Commanding prices that warranted a small side salad, they provided no small side salad! Limited menu! Limited portions! And the food itself was merely competent. Monz had ravioli pomodoro, while the LE tried the seasonal, desert-ish squash ravioli. Still, lots of spiffy attorneys in the joint made the Monz keep an open mind for a return visit and beyond!

Monday, November 19, 2007

"Permission Is Granted!"

Monz allows us to postpone reports of an exciting weekend sojournlunch to relay the following true-slice-of-life conversation when a MYL Tech Services staffer visited Lincoln Park's Graham Cracker Comics location.

(background music: The Who's "Pinball Wizard")
Store Manager: "You know, they never play my favorite song from this album."
Store Worker: (pause) "And that may be..."
Store Manager: "Sally Simpson"
(Store Worker walks to the Marvel back issues boxes in the middle of the store)
MYL Staffer: "Yeah, that's one of my favorites too, except that I'm one of those heretics that thinks the movie soundtrack version is better. And the last verse is a lot like the British version of "A Clockwork Orange," looking back and commenting with the detachment of time.
Store Manager: "Yeah! (Noticing the staffer was carrying back issues of "Weird Science") We're having a half price sale on back issues the day after Thanksgiving.

Monz, who we suspect is seething mildly over the perceived wrongness of comparing the movie soundtrack favorably and the pretentious dialog above, was forced to make a quick run to reliable Fong's for some garlicky brocoli.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The S-Word!While it's impossible to "define" the Monz, one can describe the Monz as much by what he opposes than what he supports. All his life, Monz has fought, nay, railed prodigiously against smugness. Whether through performance art (people still talk about the legendary "White Castle" performance at Chicago's Metro) or a subtle, humble-yet-tasty Whole Kitchen frozen pad thai lunch, the message is clear: wear a smirk and you'll need a clerk!

(no, we don't know what that means, but it sounded good....)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Clark McDerment!

Today circa lunchtime Mark Monz dined on "Smart Barbeque," a vegatable simulated meat that is purchased in a microwavable pouch. Monz indeed microwaved the product, served it on a Swedish bread product purchased at his local Ikea, and paired this main course with a banana.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Mad About Lunch!

On a lark, we thought we'd use the online Mad Libs service to report Monz's lunch today.

>>Amusement Parks:
An amusement park is always fun to visit on a hot summer Fong's. When you get there, you can rent a soup and go for a swim. And there are lots of vegatable things to eat. You can start off with a hot dog on a/an pork with mustard, relish, and lunches on it. Then you can have a buttered ear of tofu with a nice yummy slice of watermelon and a big bottle of cold water. When you are full, it's time to go on the roller coaster, which should settle your office. Other amusement park rides are the Dodge-Em which has little booths, that you drive and run into other diners, and the Merry-Go-Round where you can sit on a big Mark Monz and try to grab the gold attorney as you ride past. <<

Never again...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

MVP!The Rising Star of the Lake County Bar concludes yet another meeting of a high level local bar association committee, then heads to Bacci's and does lunch right: creamed portobellow mushrooms and seasonal garden salad with sweet lemon vinaigrette dressing featuring crandberries and pecans, which won a rave review. If that doesn't call for a scalp massage, what does?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Feeding the Hungry!

Monz heads to China Garden for a taste test of their Broccoli with Garlic sauce. It's good, though less spicy than Fong's and apparently with more MSG.

After a meal in which we presume included some rice, Monz feeds the hungry a whopping 90 grains of rice! He begged us to let him do more, but we had to post.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Senor Nice!
senor nice!

One last guest entry to tell you that I had a foot long veggie delight on honey oat from Sub Way.

Friday, November 09, 2007


I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally heard from the EIC! The entire editorial staff will be back on Monday. In celebraqtion, I headed out to Leno's for yummy 10" Veggie sub with hot peppers, which were not even a little bit hot. Apparently I'll have to go to the store this weekend and stock up on spicy things for Leno's day!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

She's Got a Elgin Movement From Her Head Down To Her Toes!

Out to Elgin for the latest swearing in ceremonies. So, after a quick look around downtown for the EIC, who was not spotted, we all had lunch at Akina's Thai Restaurant, where I had Spring Rolls and Green Curry with Tofu. It was exceptionally yummy and satisfying, and spicy. I'd almost forgotten what good Thai food was like!

Keep those emails and phone calls coming!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

No News Might Be Good News!

Still no confirmed EIC sightings, and the readers are going crazy! Rest assured, I will let you know when we find him! Now, for today's lunch: I went back to Fong's Kitchen for another spiiiiiiiiiiicy plate of Broccoli with Garlic Sauce and Veg Soup. Definitely as good as last week. It seems to be a sleepy day in the old town, because the restaurant was not very crowded, and even street traffic seems at a minimum. Anyway . . . keep sending your photos and tips into the switchboard, and we'll keep investigating!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Things That Make Readers Go "Hmmmmmmmm"!

Monz here, filling in. The MYL switchboard is going nuts as readers all over the globe call in with reported sightings of the EIC! We don't know where he is, but we know that none of the pictures you intrepid readers sent in are of the EIC, sorry to say. But keeps the calls coming, and keep your cameras ready, because you never know where he'll be found! In spite of the searching, I managed to wolf down a Tony's Veggie Sub slathered with olive salad, properly refrigerated after buying it early this morning. Yum!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Doing Good Like a Good Boy Should!
The editors are embarking this week in an experiment to see just how viable solar power is as an alternative energy source, thus saving the environment and western civilization (as we all know high oil prices fund some of the worst evildoers on the planet, including those awful Wild Bean Cafe commercials!). One discouraging note: the device pictured above claims patent protection, but the Legal Editor (LE) informs us that, at least for the U.S. patent, it's a scam: the "D" indicates "design patent," which doesn't cover the scientific invention but rather just the cosmetic appearance.

Thus, we leave the blog in the capable hands of...The Monz! Who kicked the week off with two tofu rolls from Whole Foods, a much covetted honeycrisp apple, and a banana.

Friday, November 02, 2007


No lunch for Monz?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Barbequed Beast of Burden!

Recently the Food Editor (FE) fell under the spell of the marketers atCurly's barbeque meats("always pulled, never shredded"). He ventured to his local big-chain grocer and took home a tub. While he was thoroughly heating the pre-cooked basted beast, he fretted: would it make him ill? Would it taste funny? To his pleasant surprise, it tasted like...barbequed beast! And it didn't make him ill! Yet even this happiness came tinged with sadness: how could the newly beast-free Monz enjoy barbeque beast?

Like this! "Went home for lunch and had a "smart barbeque" mountain bread wrap and some cous-cous withopen pit (mmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm!). All in all a happy lunch."

Tears of joy ensued.

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